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Discussion in 'EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique' started by Percy's Mom, Oct 6, 2008.

  1. Kat Miller

    Kat Miller New Member

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    Hi Percy's Mom,

    Consider tapping CRYSTAL-HORSE through EFT.
    That Switchpair is for improving self-image, self-worth
    and self-confidence. I have found it to be a
    very powerful combination.

    Also, it almost feels to me as though your Inner Child
    is feeling dread about letting go of some of the issues
    you are trying to clear. A Switchpair that may be
    useful for clearing that dread is LOVE-WOMB.

    Kat
  2. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    Linda - thank you so much. It is fascinating to me that The Day before you wrote to me about the Movie Technique I went to Gary Craig's site and was working on that very thing. It was so clear to me that I needed to put some focus into the Movie Technique and getting specific.

    Your post of course reconfirmed that but it also confirmed this marvelous thing that happens here.

    Kat - thank you for those switch words. I am aware of a strong tendency to hold on to this stuff. I am aware - not by any feeling - but by the evidence of the lack of breakthrough in spite of my determination. I AM aware of a HUGE resistance.

    I will implement both the Movie Technique and the suggested switch words. Thanks to you both.

    I did get some significant insights yesterday via dream analysis and with help from my therapist. As a child, I developed a resistance to my domineering father who projected his dark shadow side onto me AND who judged me with contempt out of his misogynistic world view. That resistance which protected me as a child has held me prisoner as an adult and completely paralyzed my will. Part of his misogynistic contempt created a resistance in me against traditionally feminine household chores. SO, my shut down on my "housekeeping" is RESISTANCE to his contempt AND my shut down on my financial/legal issues is RESISTANCE to his failure to keep his word on helping me deal with those issues and anger about the way he SABOTAGED me in those areas.

    Again - thanks for your help. I have lots of work to do.

    I am sharing only very cursory information about profoundly complex issues that I have spent years in uncovering and discovering.
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2008
  3. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    RE: Movie Technique

    Linda,
    I've begun a list of specific memories to use the movie technique with and was amazed by the powerful intensity of emotion with some of those memories. Lots of tapping and re-membering to do.

    Began wondering how to deal with "things left undone" but I have created an image of sitting with my father waiting for him to do the things I expected him to do - things my peers' fathers did for them, things his father had done for him and that my mother's father had done for her. Much anger over things left undone. Tricky using Movie Technique on these.

    Just as I finished the above sentence I was knocked over by the power of that insight - the anger behind the waiting - the unfulfilled, implied, paternal, responsibility/obligation - huge emotional issue for me.

    The insights are coming so fast an furious it is almost more than I can process.
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2008
  4. Rhea

    Rhea Tickled by the view

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    Percy's Mom, you are an incredible woman. :heart:
    :big hug:

    Rhea
  5. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    Kat - I am focusing on specific experiences with my father particularly ones in which he put me in a servant role and ones in which he would not let me into his intimate circle, his intimate self.

    Among other things, I am using the Forgiveness Prayer and putting his name and specific hurts into the prayer but I am having a VERY difficult time with the following passage.

    "I acknowledge they were right in rejecting my love and my good intentions, as I recognize that everyone has the right to repel me, not correspond, and keep me out of their lives."

    I don't believe this to be true about a parent. I believe it is precisely a parent's responsibility to love and receive love from their offspring.

    Any thoughts on this?
  6. Rhea

    Rhea Tickled by the view

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    "I recognize that everyone has the right to repel me, not correspond, and keep me out of their lives."

    We have choice. Always. Yes, I have my shoulds I believe in, (I should be loving, kind and patient with my children) and yes I believe it is my responsibility. But it all comes down to choice. Do I choose to be loving and kind? Do I work on it? Put forth effort? Read a book that might help me learn more about how children think so I understand and am more compassionate? All of that is by choice.

    No one makes me do or be any of these things. I am not biological locked into having to improve every day. At every turn I can choose love or not. I can choose to aim for connection or alienation. Does that mean I believe alienation is appropriate? No. Do I believe it is as good as connection? No. But it is my choice.

    It is so very disempowering to think we don't have choice when in fact we do, constantly.

    Today I've cleaned up cat vomit twice and cat diarrhea once. Did I have to do it? Did I have to clean it up? The quick response is yes, of course I did. But no, I could have left it. I could have told a kid to clean it up. I could have waited a week until my husband came home and had him do it. ;) The reason it is a "Yes, of course I had to clean it up," is because of my standards. And they are by choice.

    Not that we're always consciously aware of our standards or habits. At about 25 I looked at everything I did in the kitchen and how much of it was because I was made to do it as a child. And I asked myself, "What of all these kitchen rules do I value and choose to keep?" At that moment it went from something I'd had to do (how I mentally thought of it) to what I chose to do. (I didn't choose keep all of my mom's rules.)

    It is my right to choose. In that sense, yes, everyone has the right to repel me, to keep me out of their lives. My parents often times repelled me. It was one of their preferred methods of discipline. To say they had the right to parent like that does not mean I think it was appropriate, or good, and it doesn't mean I put repelling on equal footing with loving. Absolutely not.

    I hope that helped. :)
    :heart:
    Rhea
  7. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    Thank you Rhea for your thoughtful, heartfelt reply.
  8. Deborah

    Deborah New Member

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    Percy's Mom,

    Sounds like you are doing amazing work ... thanks for being an inspiration and sharing with us .....

    (sounds like perhaps you are finding the loving support you asked for ...?)

    Thank you for being you,

    Hugs and love,
    Deborah
  9. Kat Miller

    Kat Miller New Member

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    Hi Percy's Mom,

    I agree with what Rhea said.

    I believe that indeed a parent SHOULD take responsibility to
    love and receive love from their offspring. I believe it is totally
    irresponsible to do different.

    I cannot fathom how a parent cannot do that, but obviously
    there are many people who choose not to. We do all have
    a right to make our own choices. I do not believe there is
    ever a "right" or a "wrong" way to handle any situation. I
    believe there are simply choices for handling the situation.

    The power of the Prayer of Forgiveness, and in particular this
    phrase, is that it gives you the ability to truly FORGIVE them
    for the choices they made that adversely affected you.

    What they did to you really hurt you then, and as long as you
    are holding onto it, looking back at it and continuing to resent
    it, it continues to hurt you now. Are you willing to now let
    go of that pain? When you choose to FORGIVE them, you
    choose to let go of the pain.

    Forgiveness is not condoning a behavior.
    Forgiveness is not saying go ahead and do that again.
    Forgiveness is not saying you did not hurt me.

    Forgiveness is acknowledging that indeed what was done did
    hurt you, but you are willing to release that hurt from your
    energy now and allow yourself to heal.

    Forgiveness is about allowing yourself to move forward, and
    look back at history and say, "yeah, that happened, but it is
    no longer a concern for me," and just letting it be history.

    Kat
  10. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    Are you willing to now let
    go of that pain? When you choose to FORGIVE them, you
    choose to let go of the pain.


    Yes, yes, yes, yes and YES!!!

    Thank you.
  11. Kat Miller

    Kat Miller New Member

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    You are welcome.

    Kat
  12. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    Found that self-sabotage is related to extreme pain and need to connect to father who rejected and hated and projected self-hatred onto me. He held me in contempt that had to do with his own feelings about himself and his mother rather than me. I held myself in the same contempt in order to be accepted by him. Still do. Lived into that contempt.

    EFT bringing up more and more connections. Very painful. feels only like it intensifies it not releases it. Will keep tapping - know the release will come.
  13. Linda

    Linda Amity's Focus Member

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    Sometimes when it seems more intense, it is because you are peeling off the layers.
    Are you clearing the specific events when your father rejected you?
    The underlying specific events are key to clearing the pain.


    sending you lots of hugs.
  14. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    Thanks Linda, I know that the individual events are the way out. I definitely have trouble isolating them. But I have found, with experience, that even when I am not able to isolate them that if I keep tapping on a specific feeling and I stay consistent (which is not easy) then, eventually specific events will begin to emerge for me.

    It is a slow process and my greatest difficulty is to stay on task with it, to be persistent and consistent. When the pain resides so does the need to process it. I need to build in a consistency sort of like brushing my teeth - do it regularly not because there is an emotional urgency.

    Thanks for bringing this all to mind. - Percy's Mom.

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