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Discussion in 'EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique' started by Percy's Mom, Oct 6, 2008.

  1. Deborah

    Deborah New Member

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    Kat,

    I love your Prayer of Forgiveness -- (I've used something similar from Bert Hellinger's work when appropriate.)

    Thanks for sharing it with Percy's mom and the rest of us.

    Thanks,
    Deborah
  2. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    cancelled post b/c posted it twice.
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2008
  3. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    Deborah, I'm getting it. I have been tapping since I posted. I found that the issue of "responsibility" was boiling over past a 10. That is certainly helpful information. Much stuff was bubbling up.

    Surprisingly I have no problem with forgiving. I understand on a deep level how important forgiving is for ME and that is not at all letting someone off the hook. One of my favorite books on this is "Forgiving Dead Man Walking" written by one of his victims. It is a story of her journey to forgiveness and her life before and after she came to terms with what forgiveness would do for her. It is a remarkable story.

    I have gotten much out of Miller's work and have been working with and "enlightened witness". My enlightened witness does not understand and is not interested in EFT. But I knew from my work with both that EFT actually helps me get to the original "stuff". I am profoundly thankful for finding this place. I believe that I found it because I was open to it and asked for it. I am asking for healing as well and I see that I must face squarely this issue of "responsibility". My reaction to it is enormous and very informative to me.

    Responsibility in children is different. Asking a child to take responsibility for her childhood isn't appropriate.
    I hope you will have time to say more about this. I feel certain that the issue of responsibility as a child got completely intertwined with adult responsibility and the enormous resistance I have is precisely that entanglement.


    This probably is an area where working with someone else would be good. Our very own Linda on this board is good with stuff like this!
    Unfortunately I do not have the money to do this at this time. I do not have an income yet and am almost at the end of my financial resources. I will have to do this work alone until I get enough relief to get my businesses going. But I do see the value of working with someone else.

    I am deeply appreciative for your help. You and Kat have been kind and generous and pointed me in the right direction to an issue that I have been completely blind to. Thank you.
  4. Deborah

    Deborah New Member

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    PM: Deborah, I'm getting it.

    Awesome ... I'm always so pleased when I find something intensity -- that means new doors opening once it's been released.

    PM: I understand on a deep level how important forgiving is for ME and that is not at all letting someone off the hook.

    That's a great place to be -- so often folks have to work to get to this point.


    I have gotten much out of Miller's work

    Awesome --

    PM: I feel certain that the issue of responsibility as a child got completely intertwined with adult responsibility and the enormous resistance I have is precisely that entanglement.


    Absolutely --- I will try to write more later tonight ... I feel some thoughts surfacing but I'm not clear yet ....

    PM: Unfortunately I do not have the money to do this at this time.

    Understand -- I don't mean to cause you to feel lack ... sometimes folks just need to know that working with others can give them a tremendous boost. Sounds like you already know that.

    I am deeply appreciative

    It's a pleasure to be of service to someone who's asking ...
  5. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    PM: I feel certain that the issue of responsibility as a child got completely intertwined with adult responsibility and the enormous resistance I have is precisely that entanglement.


    Absolutely --- I will try to write more later tonight ... I feel some thoughts surfacing but I'm not clear yet ....


    I have worked hard on many issues some for years and thought I identified all of the negative barriers. But I still found myself making only a modicum of progress. I thought for a while that I was obstructed by reversals and have worked on those many times. But the revelation today about "responsibility" is an eye opener. And today I feel almost like I am starting over. For the first time in years I actually don't have a map - except that I can use Kat's prayer and other phrases with EFT. I definitely want to look at this whole concept of child/adult responsibility and my reaction to it all.

    I so look forward to hearing your thoughts. Thanks so much - Percy's Mom

    I felt that I had identified all the negative barriers.
  6. Deborah

    Deborah New Member

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    Responsibility

    I've been thinking about this and there are several parts. I'm a huge fan of parts work as it's very effective. In this case, we can look at two parts:the young child part and the timeless soul part.

    So for the child part of ourselves:

    • Children are not responsible for the actions of the adults in their lives.
    • Children are not responsible for their families.
    • When we do
    inner child healing work, we work with the young part of ourselves who deserves our complete understanding and love and protection and support.

    However, at a soul level, I believe we do have complete responsibility for our lives. (Doesn't that feel better than thinking we have no choice?) This gets tricky though because it depends on a person's belief system on how they can use this concept.

    Depending on your belief system, that might mean that we intended this to be a life that we are fully awakened and our early life experiences helped get us to that. Or that we are born into a certain family but we have full control over how we use our life experiences. I consider our souls, the part of us connected to universal source, to be completely powerful and unharmed by our human experience, only enhanced.

    So when we do healing work, we can use EFT and other modalities to really hear and honor and heal that child part of us so that we can more fully access the adult part of us that is responsible and capable.

    A common mistake is to rush into forgiveness or on the other end of the spectrum, to blame the parents. Expressing blame and anger might very well be part of the healing process of the child-part but I do believe it must go beyond that so that the adult part of us can take charge again.


    Why blaming parents doesn't work
    From a family constellation point of view, the only responsibility a child has to their parents is to thank them for giving them life. Everything else gets left behind. From a FC point of view, children are very loyal their families and will see acts of violence as acts of love, out of loyalty. So it's important when we do inner child work to never belittle or demean the parents. That tears away a piece of the child's heart.

    Yes the child was hurt and yes the parents failed to keep them safe.
    And they were doing the best they could even if it was woefully inadequate and wasn't enough.

    ****
    There are some very powerful ideas in what I wrote. I've seen them transform people's lives. I hope that I am using words that work for both parts of you. It's tricky being in a written format like this where I can't gauge your response and know which part I'm talking to .....

    Hugs and love,

    Deborah
  7. Kat Miller

    Kat Miller New Member

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    Hi Percy's Mom,

    I do like what Deborah has said in response to your
    question.

    It is true that a child has very little control over
    their home situation. And it is true that the adults
    who interacted poorly with the child, traumatizing
    them did things that were beyond the child's control.
    However, as an adult, are you going to wait for
    those who caused such trauma to your Inner Child
    to take responsibility for their actions? If you intend
    to make them take responsibility in order for you to
    heal, you may never heal.

    What the Prayer of Forgiveness does in this situation
    is it gives you, as an adult, the ability to take responsibility
    and to give them the forgiveness, even though they
    may not deserve it; without judgment. And releasing the
    need to judge substantially increases our healing potential.

    As Deborah said, in no way should you feel you deserved
    what you were given; no child does.

    If you remove the suggested passage from the Prayer of
    Forgiveness you may find it easier to say the prayer, but
    you may continue to have difficulty releasing the pain and
    trauma caused by the adults in your life when you were
    a child. If you do not omit the passage, over time you
    will find it easier to say that part of the prayer, and
    when you do you will most likely also find yourself more willing
    to release the anger, resentment and injustice felt toward
    the perpetrators and will find yourself in a more healing
    place.

    You decide what is right for you.

    Please let me know if this makes sense to you or if
    you have any additional questions.

    Kat
  8. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    Thank you Deborah and Kat,

    This passage catches my attention: find yourself more willing
    to release the anger, resentment and injustice felt toward
    the perpetrators and will find yourself in a more healing
    place.
    because I recognize that I am caught up in a cycle of anger and resentment about injustice - both towards me and towards others. Ironically the anger and resentment actually bind me so that I can do nothing to address any injustices that I see or experience.

    I still struggle with some parts of the prayer but I am simply going to put those concerns down now. I would rather move towards healing than sort out theory. I am and will continue to use the EFT and the prayer. At first the anger and self-hatred feel as though they are escalating but I chose to believe that it is a matter of uncovering pockets of repressed dark emotion. I suppose there is more repressed emotion than I had thought.


    My heartfelt appreciation to you both for your attention and direction. I continue to pray for relief and healing and receive your posts as responses to that prayer.


    Thank you - Percy's Mom
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2008
  9. Linda

    Linda Amity's Focus Member

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    I am enjoying reading the input on this thread.
    Deborah can you expand on this a little bit?
    :)
    Sending you, Percy's mom, lots of energetic support.
  10. Deborah

    Deborah New Member

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    I'll try! It's one of those truths that just came to me ...

    I"ll try to explain it several different ways:

    The baby, newborn, infant child has an immense connection to her parents. She depends on the parents for survival so she must "love" her parents -- she needs them.

    Children at young ages don't differentiate between the world and themselves. They are the world. Differentiating and separating from our parents is a natural developmental cycle.

    So when we are doing inner child work, we know that all ages of the person are still present within. So while part of us might want to blame the parents, there is another part of us that is identified with the parents. So if we blame the parents, we blame ourselves.

    This is seen in abuse issues. Everyone condemns the abuser but part of the person abused also feels love and a connection for the abuser and to deny that part stops the healing.

    From another perspective, in the world of family constellations, where I have seen and experienced tremendous healings, there is a concept called orders of love. One of these orders is that of the natural flow of love and energy between parents and children. The parents give and the children receive. The parent is large (energetically) and the child is small. The child is loyal to the parents and owes his/her life to the parents. By this, I mean that the child couldn't have come into existence without the parents, so it's a literal as well as symbolic truth.

    If you imagine a long line of ancestors, with each generation receiving as the children and then giving as the parents, you might be able to feel the rightness of this, the support, the energetic flow.

    If this order is disrupted and something is out of place, the flow stops and all sorts of symptoms can show up. So regaining respect for our parents for the simple act of giving us life can be very liberating and empowers us.

    HTH,
    D.
  11. Kat Miller

    Kat Miller New Member

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    Hi Percy's Mom,

    When you feel those escalating emotions, it may be good
    to in that moment tap DIVINE-LIGHT-NOW through EFT,
    then return to the prayer and continue.

    Peace be with you.

    Kat
  12. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    Thanks all - I have experienced a significant shift. It centers around distinguishing between "helplessness" rage and "righteous" anger. "helplessness" rage is disempowering and can be released through forgiveness. It is a prison that paralyzes the soul and the will. "Righteous" anger is empowering and can be associated with motivation and drive.

    Forgiveness is allowing me to abandon the rage and tune into the drive.

    Will continue in this way. - thanks again.
  13. Rhea

    Rhea Tickled by the view

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    Percy's Mom, that's great news. I was all upset over my cat, and I read your post and it brightened my outlook. Thanks for sharing your journey with us.
    :heart:
    Rhea
  14. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    Rhea - thanks for sharing that you felt brightened. I am so glad. I am noticing that there is little posting and sharing going on these days. That is too bad. But I will keep sharing and hope that others may join in with some of the things EFT is changing in their lives.
  15. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    Self-sabotage

    Tapping today - very aware of self-sabotage - not getting any break through. Aware of connection of self-sabotage and resentment - nothing particularly clear nor is it budging. Also connection between self-sabotage and need to get help as a child. Stuck in a closed loop about needing help and self-sabotage.
  16. Deborah

    Deborah New Member

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    Excellent point! Sounds like you are doing great work.
  17. Linda

    Linda Amity's Focus Member

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    I agree with Deborah, you are doing great work.

    I am curious, are you tapping on specific incidents as well as the general emotions?
    ~linda
  18. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    Funny you should ask Linda - I realized this afternoon that I need to get back to specifics. I have slipped into far too general concepts - so this afternoon I began writing down things and working to get to specifics.

    What in my writing gave you the clue that I was "generalizing"?
  19. Linda

    Linda Amity's Focus Member

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    you have not mentioned anything specific in your work since the prayer of forgiveness.

    As you know EFT works efficiently when you get specific.

    You can take issues
    such as
    1)I am unable to execute my plan because...

    2)my issues make following through on goals very difficult because...

    are two questions to help refocus you.

    ~Also what would you have to do, face or be if you successfully executed your plan?
    ~What is the secondary gain(how do you benefit) for not executing your plans?

    you can take the incidents with your father...and tap on the specific incidents
    like this one
    If you want a small session with me to learn the movie technique to work on specific incidents..we can arrange that.

    IN my experience...it really helps to take specific incidents from your life(that you wish had never happened or wish to rewrite...), make a list and then go back to that list and pick out the ones that stand out to you and tap on them. Neutralize them.:)
  20. Linda

    Linda Amity's Focus Member

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