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Discussion in 'EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique' started by Percy's Mom, Oct 6, 2008.

  1. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    I am a widow with a young child and have been faced with a host of nightmarish problems and obstacles in the past 7 years. But those pale in comparison to the original problem which goes back to my family of origin and the psychological problems and barriers that were established at the beginning of my life. The series of traumas that occurred beginning with my husbands unexpected death when our son was 7 months old simply unleashed a cascade of issues that actually all tie back to the ones from infancy and early chldhood that have been held deep in my unconscious my entire life. They reared their ugle head and have kept me completely bound as though I were physically paralyzed - only this is an emotional paralysis that has a similar effect. Bottom line I have not been able to work for several years and have run out of money. I have a great business idea and I am poised to launched it but must tackle these psychological issues in order to proceed and stop the life-long pattern of self-sabotage.




    Here is a little more of my story. When my husband died I was running a small non-profit that I started. After 9/11 funding dried up and by Dec of 2002 we were out of business and I was out of an income. After that I went into a severe clinical depression and when I came out of that I had to battle my way through debilitating anxiety. Meanwhile I was getting farther and farther behind in some bills. To make matters worse I had mold damage in my basement and had to spend $35K to remediate that without replacing the interior basement walls and w/o repainting the new walls and ceilings in the main section of the house.

    Meanwhile I have not kept up my house and it is a wreck but I have been forced to go back and deal with some severe psychological issues that started in childhood and have reared their ugly head to make following through on goals very difficult.

    I am doing better but I have to find a way to cut through the sense of being completely overwhelmed by the mess and the financial disaster that is my life. I am able to lay out a plan but not able yet to execute it.

    This is my first goal of using EFT - to cut through the psychological blockage and 2nd to be able to focus and get specific.

    I have come here in hopes of finding some suggestions about EFT techniques that might help. I especially am interested in learning about others successes with EFT in similar or related issues.
  2. Natalia

    Natalia New Member

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    Welcome. I hope that this is a place of healing for you.
  3. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    Thank you - so do I. It certainly feels like a healing place.
  4. pj and the bear

    pj and the bear New Member

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    :waving: I'm not on the EFT forum at all, though maybe I should research what it's all about for some issues I need to deal with, but I just wanted to pop in and say "hi!" and welcome!
  5. Rhea

    Rhea Tickled by the view

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    Hi Percy's Mom, welcome.

    Are you familiar with EFT, the tapping points, and have you used it on some things already? There are some great ladies on here with lots of experience.

    Reading your post, the thought that came to me was to start with one simple thing that will bless you. Something that you know will have an impact on your emotions, on feeling on top of things, or like, "Yes! I'm on my way!" That might be keeping the bathroom clean, or having your kitchen in great shape. What one thing in your house would most bless you to have done? And the for that one thing that you pick, ask questions to get at what's stopping you, like maybe, "What will I gain by being successful at this? What will I lose? What am I afraid of about _____?" That kind of thing and anything that pops up in your head about it too. Then tap on those.

    At one time we lived in this teeny apartment with two little kids, and I would get so overwhelmed. Always the bathroom was my starting point. It was the smallest room, the quickest one to make great, and I'd feel so good with a clean and decluttered bathroom I'd be more motivated to take on other rooms.

    I hope some ladies will have input for you on the big stuff.

    :heart:
    Rhea
  6. Kat Miller

    Kat Miller New Member

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    Hi Percy's Mom,

    Might I suggest you combine the two powerful techniques
    of EFT and Switchwords. To do this you tap Switchwords
    through EFT in place of a normal setup phrase.

    The Master Switchword is TOGETHER. You may do very
    well to tap TOGETHER through the entire EFT Basic
    Recipe a few rounds every day.

    Additionally, after reading your post, I used reflex muscle
    testing to find a Switchphrase that may be very helpful
    in progressing you quickly from where you are to where
    you wish to be. It may be a good idea to tap this
    Switchphrase through EFT often as well:

    ELATE-JUDGE-PHASE-LISTEN-ADJUST-FORGIVE-LIGHT-GO

    This Switchphrase means:

    ELATE - Turn setbacks into uplifts,

    JUDGE - increase comprehension,

    PHASE - improve your situation,

    LISTEN - be in touch with yourself,

    ADJUST - find comfort,

    FORGIVE - release resentments and remorse,

    LIGHT - lighten stress and

    GO - progress.

    Also CRYSTAL-HORSE is an amazing Switchpair to help
    build self-esteem and self-worth.

    I trust this will be helpful for you.

    Kat Miller, CTBM, CNH
    Founder Emotional Freedom vial
    Founder Healing Energy Vibrations vial
    Certified ESM Instructor
    ehdef.com@gmail.com
    Arizona USA
    Skype: JS_Kat

    --
  7. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    thank you all for your comments.

    I have done EFT for a couple of years. Initially I found little success but I kept being drawn back. I would do it for days at a time and then get just a little break. Then I realized how dense a forest I had to cut down and how extremely difficult it was to get specific.

    Then as luck? would have it I came across an article that described little t traumas and suddenly I knew I had a term to describe what I knew I had experienced - many small experiences that were difficult to see for what they were but whose accumalative power was almost death like.

    My father was a powerful and controlling man who later in life would be diagnosed with a phalanx of mental illnesses that had hidden themselves under his rigid control. He ran roughshod over our family creating powerful double binds many of which applied to only me (as the only daughter). He called hatred love and many cruel things kind and this set us powerful reversals in my unconscious.

    Last night as I tapped loads and loads of received hatred began emerging. When I awoke this morning I knew that I have much more of this hatred to wade through.

    I was very thankful to come here and find some thoughtful suggestions to apply.

    PJ - thanks for the welcome. I am so glad to be here and think it a timely gift.

    rhea - I love your suggestion. It is a little like Fly Lady who I found several years ago. I have been keeping a bathroom clean and see now that it is time to move on to the kitchen - that will actually change the whole aura of this home.

    Kat Miller - I am not familiar with Switchwords but sense that they will become a treasured new friend. I am deeply touched that you went through a process to find a switchphrase in response to my post. I must learn how to use it. From the bottom of my heart - thanks.
  8. Deborah

    Deborah New Member

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    Hi Percy's Mom,

    Welcome to the EFT forum. I'm thrilled you discovered EFT and see how to apply it to your life. I have had the honor and privilege of working with many clients whose childhood and formative years included various traumas -- and it's always amazing to see how great EFT is to help reintegrate those parts of us that are wounded and damaged.

    Sounds like you are making great progress with EFT uncovering those feelings.

    If you have questions about the application of EFT, feel free to ask. You'll find several experienced users of EFT here .....

    I'm seeing you in a vision of perfect health and happiness with abundance and prosperity surrounding you,

    All the best,
    Deborah
    Forum Moderator
  9. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    "Welcome to the EFT Forum.

    I'm seeing you in a vision of perfect health and happiness with abundance and prosperity surrounding you,"

    Thank you Deborah. There is such a peaceful presence here. I feel like I found this forum at the right time because I asked the right question. I have been such an anxious person but am learning to let it go and to believe that there is something greater that is available when I believe.

    Looking forward to experiencing peace and healing and making friends in this forum. Thanks again.
  10. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    I want to share something about an EFT experience from last night and today.

    Last night I wrote an apology to someone who let me know that I had hurt their feelings. It was a very brief, straight forward apology. At first they replied by thanking me and then they vollied a lengthy diatribe about how out of control I was and should examine my own issues about why I was lashing out at them and on and on.

    I was taken aback but wrote again - that I was sorry that I had not been clear but that I only wanted to apologize for hurting them. Again I received an angry, angry reply accusing me of lashing out. Once again I repeated my apology and decided to leave it at that.

    When I began tapping on this I began to get insights on how this person was projecting her own anger on me.

    I kept tapping - projection was a HUGE issue from my childhood.

    I suddenly saw how my father could project his shame on me and then as I received it he would heap all kinds of consequences on me for taking on his guilt. I kept tapping.

    Then I got something about being asked to do something by my father all the while being sabotaged as he withheld a resource necessary for completing the task and then when I failed he would use that failure to humiliate me.

    This is the source of a great deal of my current mess. I shut down and this tapping has given me enormous insight into part of why. I have been working to understand this for decades. This is a huge victory for me.

    Even though I don't know those of you here I hope you will not feel me presumptuous in sharing this at this time. I don't see others sharing such issues but it is a great help to me to share. Hope this fits within the norms of this group. Thanks - Percy's Mom
  11. Deborah

    Deborah New Member

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    Good work PM! You ask about norms of posting -- yes it is entirely fine to post stuff like this here. The only consideration is respecting your own privacy ...

    Hugs and love,
    Deborah
  12. Linda

    Linda Amity's Focus Member

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    Welcome!
    Well done on your tapping. Try keeping a journal. It will help you keep track, get focused and see how much incredible work you have done.
    We do a lot of sharing, here. There is a private discussion forum where some people share more personal stuff they don't want on the Googleable board.

    I am going to start up weekly group calls. There is a post about it. You are welcome to join in if the time suits you.

    Looking forward to getting to know you!
  13. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    There is a private discussion forum where some people share more personal stuff they don't want on the Googleable board.

    Thanks Linda - how can I get in on that forum? It sounds great. I've noticed there is not much conversation going on out here.

    I am going to start up weekly group calls. There is a post about it. You are welcome to join in if the time suits you. That's a great concept. I would love to join in. My schedule is crazy right now but I would definitely like to participate.
  14. Linda

    Linda Amity's Focus Member

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    GO to your UserCP and then under miscellaneous there is a join groups choice. You can look in there and join the EFT Private discussion through there.
    This group can be very quiet. However, very supportive. I have been busy so not as chatty as usual, but you can count on me or Deborah to answer questions etc.:)
    HTH!
  15. Kat Miller

    Kat Miller New Member

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    Hi Percy's Mom,

    After reading your post about your father and the help
    that EFT has given you in beginning to progress, I thought
    you might also be helped by tapping the Prayer of Forgiveness
    through EFT. Just tap the different points while you are
    reading the Prayer of Forgiveness. You may wish to do
    this daily for a period of time.

    Some have found it very difficult to accept some of the
    statements in the Prayer of Forgiveness the first time
    they read it. I find, however, if you just read it and
    tap it through EFT over the course of a few days you
    will find it easier and easier to do, and you will find things
    improving for you.

    Here is the Prayer of Forgiveness:

    Prayer of Forgiveness

    Seeking to eliminate all obstructions that prevent my evolution, I will devote a few minutes to forgive.

    From now on, I forgive everyone who, in any way, has offended me, caused injury or harm, or unnecessary difficulties. I sincerely forgive those who have rejected me, hated me, abandoned me, betrayed me, ridiculed me, humiliated me, frightened me, and deceived me.

    I specially forgive those who have provoked me to lose my patience and react violently so that afterwards I felt embarrassment, remorse, and inappropriate guilt. I recognize that I was responsible as well for the aggressions I received, as several times I trusted negative individuals, allowed them to make a fool of me, and let them discharge on me their bad character.

    For long years I endured hostility, humiliations, wasting time and energy in the useless attempt to have a good relationship with those people.

    I am free of the compulsive need to suffer, and free of the obligation to mingle with toxic individuals and environments. I have just started a new phase in my life, in the company of friendly, healthy, and competent people: I want to share noble feelings, while working for the progress of all of us.

    I will never again complain, speaking about sorrow and negative people. If by chance I think about them, I will remember that they are already forgiven and dismissed from my intimate life indefinitely. I am thankful for the difficulties those people have caused, as they helped me evolve from the common human level to the spiritualized level in which I am now.

    When I remember the people who have hurt me, I will seek to value their good qualities, and I will ask the Creator to forgive them as well, preventing them from being punished by the law of cause and effect, in this life or in future lives. I acknowledge they were right in rejecting my love and my good intentions, as I recognize that everyone has the right to repel me, not correspond, and keep me out of their lives.

    (Pause and take a few deep breaths to accumulate energy).

    Now, I sincerely apologize to everyone who in any way, consciously or unconsciously, I have offended, injured, harmed, or displeased. Analyzing and making judgment of everything I have done throughout my life, I see that the value of my good deeds is enough to pay all my debts and redeem all my guilt, leaving a positive balance in my favor.

    I feel at peace with my conscience and, with my head raised, I take deep breaths, hold the air in, and I concentrate to send an energy chain to my Superior Self. As I relax, my sensations reveal that this contact has been established.

    Now I send a message of faith to my Superior Self, asking for orientation, in an accelerated pace, for an important project I have in mind, and towards which I am already working with dedication and love.

    I thank, with all my heart, everyone who has helped me, and I promise to pay back, working for my good and for the good of everyone else, acting as a catalyzing agent of enthusiasm, prosperity, and self-accomplishment. I will do all in harmony with the laws of nature, and with the permission of our Creator, eternal, infinite, indescribable, that I, with my intuition, feel is the only real power acting inside and outside of me.

    So be it, so it is, and so it will be.



    Kat
  16. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    Kat - I love your prayer of forgiveness. My eyebrow went up when I read, "Some have found it very difficult to accept some of the
    statements
    but I had to laugh when I got to I recognize that I was responsible . I don't want to do that. But I will. I don't believe that I was responsible for the cruelty heaped on me by my parents - but on the otherhand - if I am responsible then I can do something about it - I like that concept. I don't believe that I was responsible for the meanness that came out of them because they didn't want to nurture and should never have been parents but I do believe that I am responsible now to overcome the deep wounds left by the utter lack of love.

    I don't believe I was responsible but I do see how that attitude could be empowering rather than the opposite but I confess it is a bitter pill to swallow.

    Okay - so say I get it down then would you help me with the next step? This is a faily lengthy prayer. How do I tap to it? I am used to tapping to single or perhaps 3 word phrases. Do I just taps the points while I say the prayer and keep tapping until I finish it? Do I tap it more than once a day?

    As you can tell from my questions I'm sort of a detail fanatic. Detailed instructions give me comfort. I anticipate something of a different response coming from you but I'll wait for your own rather than the one I imagine.

    Your post and my response to it make me smile. I am definitely resistant but I so love the spirit you recommend it with. Your spirit is compelling and I am deeply appreciative of the time you took to write out the prayer. I have so loved the switchwords and my little boy enjoys them too. I used some with him earlier this week and he asked where I got them and then asked what words you had given me. before long he was singing my words along with me and we were singing "be" and "off" for him. It was very peaceful and pleasant. It is so magical the way children are open to thoughts that seem so new and different - everything is new and different to them - they are still without the judgementalism and prejudice that plagues the adult world - what a special world they live in.

    Thank you Kat - how did you know that I am ready to shed my "compulsive need to suffer" and so much more?
  17. Kat Miller

    Kat Miller New Member

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    Hi Percy's Mom,

    The first person whom I directly recommended the
    Prayer of Forgiveness to in person, and with whom
    I read it had a very tough young life. She felt very
    abused also by her family from a very young age.
    She had a very, very difficult time getting through
    the prayer that first time as I read it with her.

    Now, a few weeks later, it is much easier for her
    and she has had major progress within herself.

    As far as tapping the prayer through EFT, tap
    6-7 times on each point as you read through
    the prayer. Sometimes tapping a single point
    while saying the entire prayer may be powerful
    for you.

    What are your feelings you have swallowed down?
    Different emotions are swallowed to different parts
    of the body. If you have a clue to the emotions
    you need to release with the prayer, you may
    know which points are the best for tapping on.

    Following are the meridians that each of the
    tapping points of the Basic Recipe of EFT relate
    to and the emotions swallowed to those areas.
    If you have one that stands out for you tap on
    that single point. And perhaps picking a point
    each time you say the prayer and concentrating
    on tapping on that single point as you say the
    prayer, changing to a different point each time
    you say it would be helpful.

    Anyway, there is no wrong way to tap it through
    EFT. You choose what feels right for you.

    Here are the point descriptions with the connected
    emotions:

    Emotional Freedom Technique Point Descriptions
    By Kat Miller
    Each point relates to the end of an energy meridian in
    the body (emotion/s that goes to that organ/meridian):

    Point 1 (eyebrow)(EB) - Bladder Meridian (paralyzed will,
    stuck, inhibition, trauma)

    Point 2 (side of eye)(SE) - Gallbladder Meridian
    (resentment, rage)

    Point 3 (under eye)(UE) - Stomach Meridian (over
    sympathetic, security, spite, craving)

    Point 4 (under nose)(UN) - Governing Meridian
    (self-worth, self-confidence, embarrassment)

    Point 5 (chin) (Ch) - Central Meridian/Conception
    Vessel (non-thinking, non-expressed, shame)

    Point 6 (collar bone)(CB) - Kidney Meridian (fear,
    repressed emotions, judgmental, insecurity)

    Point 7 (under arm)(UA) - Spleen Meridian (self-esteem,
    self-love, fear of future)

    Point 8 (below nipple)(BN) - Liver Meridian (anger,
    regret, unhappiness)

    Point 9 (thumb)(Th) - Lung Meridian (grief,
    acceptance, intolerance, arrogance)

    Point 10 (index finger)(IF) - Large Intestine Meridian
    (dogmatic, withholding, stubborn)

    Point 11 (middle finger)(MF) - Circulation/Sex Meridian
    (guilt, personal power, jealousy, addictive cravings)

    Point 12 (baby finger)(BF) - Heart Meridian (joy,
    compassion, forgiveness)

    Point 13 (karate chop)(KC) - Small Intestine Meridian
    (lost, vulnerable, sadness, reversals)

    Point 14 (top of hand)(ToH) - Triple Heater (Thyroid)
    Meridian (lack of discernment, confusion, instability,
    loneliness)
  18. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    Kat - thanks so much for your post. There are several point that leap out at me. 4 phrases are ones that I identify as being significant barriers in my life: paralyzing will, resentment, shame and loneliness.

    I will follow your suggestions and am looking forward to seeing the results.

    However, I find myself still struggling over this part of the prayer: I recognize that I was responsible as well for the aggressions I received, as several times I trusted negative individuals, allowed them to make a fool of me, and let them discharge on me their bad character.

    At what age is a person "responsible"? To use an extreme case is an infant who is beaten or shaken by his/her parent or care giver to the point of death responsible for the aggressions?

    I do understand that as adults we are responsible. It is that very concept that I believe Wayne Dyer is referring to when he writes that he picks up hitch hikers without fear because he is not drawn to people who will cause him harm. But what about the infant and toddler whose parents who neglect them and do not provide the needed love and care.

    Perhaps this sounds petty and off the point but it actually is significant for me. One recurrent theme in my childhood home was that "I got what I deserved." This meant that if someone harmed me I deserved it b/c of some action. The depths of this meant that any rejection, lack of affection, lack of provision, anger, punishment by my parents was because I deserved it.

    I broke my arm as a child and my parents didn't take me to the dr. for 24 hours. I deserved that b/c I shouldn't have been jumping on the trampoline. I fell over the bannisters and had a concussion and broke my jaws and was hospitalized for 2 weeks and I deserved that because I was sliding down the bannister (at age 6) and on and on.

    I had 2 older brothers who regularly took out their frustrations on me and who refused to include me in their play leaving me completely alone. My parents - from the earliest ages would do things with them and leave me out. Was I really responsible for receiving such profound rejection at such an early age?

    Does this prayer really mean that I was responsible for all of this? If so I am not really ready to accept that.

    Does the prayer lose all of its value if I leave that sentence out?
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2008
  19. Deborah

    Deborah New Member

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    Hi Percy's Mom,

    Hope it's okay to add my perspective as this is something I deal with often with clients. I'm sure Kat will also add some insight.

    The issue of forgiveness and responsibility is huge. I think forgiveness of our past and being to take responsibility for OUR PART is the ultimate destination however there is a journey involved and there are also some cognitive shifts involved that can't be rushed.

    When I do Family Constellations work (amazing stuff), both parties say to each other ... "I take responsibility for my part." In some cases, the responsibility of one is tiny and the other is huge ... but we can always take responsibility for our part -- that does not absolve the other person but allows us to feel our power.

    Asking a rape victim to take responsibility for her part when she's just started healing is not going to work. However, after the pain and hurt and trauma has been released, she will then be able to look at why this event happened and perhaps see it differently. And yes, the rapist still has to take responsibility for his part.


    Responsibility in children is different. Asking a child to take responsibility for her childhood isn't appropriate. There's more to say about this but I have an appt.

    Bottomline:

    When you feel resistance to the concept of forgiving, follow that to the pain or anger and tap on that. You'll find subtle cognitive shifts as you go.

    This probably is an area where working with someone else would be good. Our very own Linda on this board is good with stuff like this!
  20. Deborah

    Deborah New Member

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    Me again ...

    I want to say that you absolutely deserved to be taken care of and protected as a child. When you were hurt, you deserved to be loved and noticed and given comfort and caring. And for whatever reason, this didn't happen.

    If you feel inclined at all, all of this is tappable material. Not to let your parents or brothers off the hook but to release any trauma from your body and energy system and allow your inner child to heal and feel the love she does deserve.

    An example of what this would look like is from the EFT DVD's .... a woman who was burned by her mother with boiling water. When she started tapping, she was clearly in distress about the memory and felt unable to receive or give physical affection. (There was more to the story but this was the one memory that came up.) Part of children's survival mechanism is feel responsible at some level .... they think it's their fault for this happening.
    After tapping, this woman was able to see that her mother needed help and her mother's problems had nothing to do with her. They impacted her but weren't not her fault and ARE not indicative of whether she deserves love.

    I'm a huge fan of Alice Miller's work .... we as a society are not willing to look at the pain of our children because we've had to ignore our pain.
    And part of the reason we've ignored our pain is that we didn't know what to do with it.

    That's where EFT comes in -- a whole new model on how to release pain.

    So you are spot on -- the issue of responsibility as a child can be twisted and there is no WAY your young self was responsible for other's actions.

    However, the adult part of you has more choice now. I can feel your strength as well as your passion to move to a better and better feeling place.

    Hugs and love,
    Deborah

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