My PPP work

Discussion in 'EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique' started by Percy's Mom, Jan 29, 2009.

  1. Linda

    Linda Amity's Focus Member

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    This has been true for so many of us. Hard to let people in and trust them when we did not get that modeling for ourselves.

    I want you to be sure...
    to understand to ask the little one for what she wants...in the situation. Always respect her needs and wants. Your stuff is dictatorial. Her stuff is directive.
    As children we often did not get the respect understanding...that we needed . we had big emotions..just as big as adults but did not have the resources to deal with them...
    so you can step into that scene and effectively reparent yourself.

    And dont move to forgiveness if it does not feel good. That would be disrespecting yourself.

    Moving to acceptance of something bigger than yourself...can be a very healing place to go as well.



    (Did you get my emailsx2?)
  2. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    Inner Child work

    Linda's suggestions of addressing the inner child is becoming very helpful. Through it, I am making amazing connections between several of my memories in my PPP list.

    Last night I brought it into my present life and was able to recognize that my son was experiencing powerlessness at the hands of a playmate and the playmate's mother and I was able to intervene on his behalf.

    Rather than try to squelch my son's reaction I chose to leave the friend's home and was able to support my son and confirm his experience and tell him about two particular experiences of my own in which I was utterly powerless. It was a remarkable experience.

    His anger was calmed and he had the experience of walking out of the situation rather than fighting it.

    A couple of hours later we were sitting side by side as he watched America's Funniest Videos and I was watching an EFT video on YouTube. I noticed that his attention had shifted from the TV to the tapping. I imagine that tapping with him will be very helpful for his moments of frustration and anxiousness.
  3. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    15) snake on patio (age 4)
    16) bubblegum babysitter(4)
    17) cake baking for Richard with Lucille (4)
    18) Walker's flashlight (6)
    19) badminton pole (7)
    20) swimming pool Marzoni (5)
    21) Annie Mae's goodbye (5)
    22) Dumbo
    23) Beau and the leaves
    24) Annie and the woods
    25) application - no financial information
    26) the ring and the bracelet at HDS
    27) the rock in K-5
    28) the block house in K-5
    29) the penny loafers in K-5
    30) the after-school math in 1st grade
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2009
  4. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    As I continue working on my PPP list I am finding the common threads of these memories and the links of these threads to the issues that I struggle with today. I am learning some new things but much of it is connecting specific memories with emotional issues that I have long ago identified. One large theme is powerlessness but another is being punished for illness, errors or acts of kindness. Being punished for acts of kindness or small errors combined with powerlessness certainly explains how I came to be emotionally paralyzed. I'm counting on EFT to break these bonds.

    I keep thinking of the table image that Gary Craig writes about and wondering when I will reach that critical mass of knocking out at least two of those table legs. Then I remember he suggests working on the PPP for several months. So it is back to the grindstone. The one positive characteristic I've always claimed is persistance and so I can absolutely continue working this PPP until this table collapses.
  5. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    Anyone else?

    I am struggling with my experience using EFT and wonder if anyone else here has had a similar struggle. I am tapping away and feel as though I am making good progress. I am certainly pleased that I am following through with my commitment to tap regularly and Linda's suggestion of PPP has been the perfect framework for that.

    But here is the rub - as I get further along in the PPP process I am finding the emotions and the resistance are increasing. It is as though the repression is lifting and the pain is increasing.

    Last night I had a seemingly benign dream but there was a feeling that came up that I began tapping on and it is off the charts in pain and irritation. Let me describe it - I was with a group of people getting to know one another around a swimming pool. A woman was telling me about a friend who had a business creating new coffee flavors. I began to panic, wanting to get out of there so fast. Even when I have tried to tap on it the panic is huge.

    On the outside I understand what it is - I feel very inept in comparision with her friend, unable to stand up to a comparison with this person's abilities, so inept that panic ensues. I feel a fear of being discovered as inept, afraid of being worthless and a long list of other issues. The issues I get - the connection to a coffee flavor creator I don't. Even now as I try to tap on it my heart races like the beginning of enormous panic and/or pain.

    So this is a double question - has anyone else found that the intensity of pain or fear increased as you tap away clearing the "forest" and have any of you had a strange dream bring up feelings that seem completely unattached to an experience in reality?

    I am so surprised by the intensity of emotion that is increasing almost day by day.
  6. Rhea

    Rhea Tickled by the view

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    I haven't felt the intensity increase with tapping. I have had dealing with one issue bring up others (or reveal others, what's underlying it, etc.). I have had dreams that are so mild when described have a much larger emotional effect on me.

    Would you like to share the phrases you are using when you tap? Just an example, doesn't have to reveal anything personal.

    Rhea
  7. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    I definitely have had tapping bring up other issues or memories, sometimes more than I can count. But what has happened is that recently when these other memories come up the feelings are far more intense than the feelings attached to the original memory. Sometimes I only have the feelings without memories, sometimes it is both. And in the example I gave from my dream the emotional charge is indescribably painful. I find it difficult to do much tapping on this particular image at all.

    But to your question - and thanks for your help - I have used the following phrases, "even though you feel extreme pain", "even though you feel panicky", "even though you feel inadequate" and "even though you want to run".

    You must be thinking that the phrase choice can actually increase the emotional charge rather than decrease it. I have never thought of that. How does that happen? Are there some phrasings that should be avoided?
  8. Rhea

    Rhea Tickled by the view

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    No, it wasn't that. I just wondered what you were doing as you tapped on the points. Like I might do, "ET I'm upset..., ET I feel sad when I remember this, ET it's hard to think about..." on the karate chop point, but then as I go around the tapping points I use other phrases. That was what I was wondering about when I asked you what you were saying.

    So if I were dealing with a painful memory from when I was a child I might go on to say, "That hurt but I know now it didn't have anything to do with me. I release the pain I've held around that memory. I know there was nothing 4 year old me could do about it at that time. Now I can look on it with wisdom and compassion." - Okay, I was just pulling those out of thin air, but I do something like that. What do you do? I'm really not suspecing anything, it's just in my nature when puzzling over something to want as much information as possible. :)

    I don't think so. We need one of the trained ladies to speak up.

    :big hug:
    Rhea
  9. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    I love these phrases:

    I have been trying the matrix reimprinting technique and finding that talking to that child (inner child) is helping clear more away.

    Part of the struggle for me is that I often get strong emotions with NO memory attached. In that case I just keep tapping on the emotions but making progress in that manner is much slower than finding a real memory.
  10. Linda

    Linda Amity's Focus Member

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    you can take a feeling...and follow it...tun into the feeling and GUESS and age...what age ...which ECHO is communicating to you through this body feeling? GUESS...the age...then picture yourself at that age, what are you wearing...what is your hair like...step into the scene with the younger you....and she will give you the details...there might be nothing more than needing you to be ther with her..and bringing her back to the present with you.

    You can tap with her...
    I am having a hard time
    Noone understands
    I am so alone
    all these feelings
    they don't take me seriously
    they are so mean]
    all these feelings I have to keep inside
    I feel really alone...
    but it is time to bring some healing to this
    it is time for this to heal
    Even though you feel so bad...the truth is: (what is the truth she needs to hear?)they have their own issues and it is not your fault(or something elese)
    It is not your fault
    people have their own issues....
    you are very important...
    you are very special
    you are so loveable to me
    time to heal this deeply adn completely.


    you survived this because you are so....(what resources did she use to survive???) remind her that she did and you are grateful for all she has endured and figured out...
    etc....
    hth!
  11. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    I found her by guessing. I understand now why my emotional charge is increasing. It is definitely due to repression. Repression was essential in being safe. As a child, even as an infant, crying and other expressions of needing were sorely rebuked. The pain of that as I get closer is indescribable. As the memories come back the unmet needs for infancy and early life are unbearable but even worse is the rage and rebuke that those needs receive. This explains so much dysfunction in my own life - I cannot tell you how painful this all is.

    There are many threads underlying all of this but the big one I am focusing on now is powerlessness. Last night's session helped me so much, even though I simply listened. But as other's went through their process I found myself entering into similar experiences from my own childhood and the comfort of being surrounded by others who were caring and non-judgemental was extraordinary.

    Part of this repression comes from the sense of extreme danger of expressing my needs and neediness even as a wee infant. As I continue to tap on this image from very, very young age I actually experience more pain. It feels very vulnerable and threatening to open it up and receive.

    The connection to the series of earliest childhood and even inutero memories now arising to my life today is very clear. It is very much about powerlessness and about punishment and humiliation when I try to get my needs met. It was a no win in every situation. I needed food and love but did not receive and crying out was punished. My only choice was to sit in silence and hope that the crumbs of nurturing and nourishment would come my way. I could not ask even in prelingual ways.

    I have uncovered some of the earliest experiences that evoke these destructive emotions. Being there is wretched. It does not feel resolvable but I have no choice but to push through.

    The aloneness and devastation is completely overwhelming and that is why I am posting it here. It is as though it is a trial balloon set out to see if it is safe here. Actually it is like the dove released from the ark. Is there a place for that dove to light. Has the devastating flood receded?

    I have more tapping and more memories to uncover but it continues to be daunting as the pain is so severe.
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2009
  12. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    I have something more I want to share. I find that I am able to work some things out as I type them here. I don't fully know why it is significantly different to write it out here as opposed to journaling just for me but I know that it is.

    I do feel some shame about writing so much. I see that others don't pour out so much here on these threads and so I feel the need to apologize and ask for an indulgence as I keep posting but it is definitely helping me get to the hidden, trapped pain.

    I have long known that I was trapped by "double-binds" from my parents but I could not get to them, name them, remember them. They are so deep, so embedded. I have thought of them as "little t" traumas and done extensive tapping on them.

    I have known that judgement engendered in me extreme fear and anger. I have long, long sought a place of compassion - not tough love - but a soft place to fall.

    Though I am an adult it is that tiny infant who needs healing and all my life I have been told to suck it up and move on. To be with other EFT practitioners who know and believe that the earliest wounds are carried with us until released gives me the comfort and protection to be able to access this wounded, terrified and broken fetus and infant who needs and deserves protection and love and comfort.

    I am so thankful for the safety of this place. I feel brought here by a devine healing presence and it affirms for me that healing is nigh and a joyful, productive life is at hand.

    Love to you all and thank you.

    I started this post to write about something that is working itself out in my being. For so long, I have pushed through fear and expectation of rejection and humiliation to go out into the world and act. Simple things, sometimes everyday things take a real act of will at times. Though I love being around others this indescribable expectation of being humiliated and rejected always interposes itself onto of that longing to connect. What a terrible push-pull. The memories flooding back explain to me why I experience such indescribable resistance to doing things that are necessary and good for me. Fulfilling my basic needs were early on met with humiliation and public rejection - emotionally a public flogging. In unconscious ways I have carried this forward into my adult life. I have live a life of such profound contradiction because there is an aspect of my being that is competent and strong and determined but the performing, pre-frontal cortex, will part of me has been constrained by the anticipation of humiliation. That is a paralyzing double bind.

    I have more work to do in this area but I pray that these binds will begin to loosen and that in my life I will begin to see signs of the healing and that functioning will begin to seep into my life like air into the lungs - giving life itself. Thank you for letting me share this here.
  13. Natalia

    Natalia New Member

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    Percy's Mom.

    Please keep sharing! If you look back at all of our past posts, you will find that at various times most of us have written a lot. I too feel good writing here instead of my journal. Typing is easy. Plus, knowing that someone wants to hear my story, will take the time to read it matters. Getting support in the form of responses matters. Even knowing that some people read and don't respond, but they may get something from my sharing or, in some big-picture way be compassionate toward my issues matters.

    Keep up your great work. I believe that all of the healing we do heals our selves, our families and all of humanity. We let peace and healing begin with us. It spreads everywhere.
  14. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    Thank you Natalia

    Natalia, thank you for your kind words. They are encouraging and heart warming.
  15. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    Progress - slowly but surely

    Progress continues to come - slowly but surely.

    Friday night I had a disturbing dream and when I woke I tapped on it. In the dream I had been slighted and ignored by someone. The anger I felt was directly from an overwhelming sense of powerlessness.

    As I tapped on it I sensed a shift in my emotions and saw how early childhood memories captured the dream experience but the most fascinating thing was that I also saw that the person whose actions hurt so badly also had experienced similar childhood experiences. We had tapped into each others stored pain.

    I can't help but wonder how broad that experience is in our world when strangers a drawn into conflict.

    *****
    I am most amazed by one aspect of matrix reimprinting in particular - the part of imagining the memory restored with positive emotions. This is so powerful to me and I see a direct corrolation with "seeing things forward" which I have had such a hard time doing.

    This is extremely difficult for me and I have a strong resistance to it but I believe that it is one of the most potent tools to creating a significant change in my life.

    Is anyone else working on this aspect of the matrix reimprinting?
  16. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    The more I tap, the deeper I am brought back into my earliest experiences. For several days, as I tap I see an infant, feel a tiny being cry out in hunger, needing nourishment and love. The more I tap on those images, those feelings I get a more concrete sensability of the profound rejection I experienced from my first days. I see that as long as I did not need that I was tolerated but when I needed anything - food, love, attention, the very act of needing engendered anger, condemnation and ridicule. My needing taxed the very beings who gave me life and they were "put out" (to use my father's phrase) to be needed from.

    I have spent many years in therapy getting to this core and while I have understood much of what went on I could not quite get to the core. But allowing the cild at the oint of ECHO to select a different outcome is the healing ingredient which allowed me to go back and experience below the repressed stuff. It is clearer still how the repression was life saving. The pain of that rejection is truly unbearable.

    The dynamics that have led to where I am in my life today are so clear. It is not yet clear what the path out may be but I will continue to tap to see what else might emerge.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 25, 2009
  17. Linda

    Linda Amity's Focus Member

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    are you tapping on the specific stories of this infant? If one is not clear...then tune in n the infant, and imagine one. If you can't imagine it then MAKE IT UP. PRetend. Remember our memories live in our subconscious...this is our inner theatre...when you pretend...it is made out of your personal experience information. You can come up with valuable stuff this way. Then go give that baby exactly what she needs and did not get.
    If you need more guidance, PLEASE ask. email me if you need to, OK?:)
  18. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    That is a fascinating suggestion. I will definitely try it.

    I am finding that the matrix reimp has shifted something that makes it possible for me to visualize my life forward. For some indescribable reason I have not been able to do this for the 10 or 12 years I have been trying but after I began the matrix reimprinting process I began to be able to see aspects of my life as I want them to be rather than as they are.

    It is an incredible experience. But even so it takes real discipline to keep it up.

    Thanks for your help Linda. I am so thankful for your help and this transformative experience that I have been seeking for so long.
  19. Percy's Mom

    Percy's Mom New Member

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    Imagining and making up releases whatever blocks were present.

    I was walking through the grocery store yesterday looking for jelly and had a(for lack of a better term) flashback. All I got was a frozen feeling attached to a grocery store and peanut butter and my father. Nothing connected. No memory came. It was pure frustration.

    I tried imagining. I saw the little girl crawl through the shelves into a cozy cubby behind all the jars and boxes. Then STUFF started oozing out.

    Yucky stuff, painful ooze. I popped in and out of infant memories. I saw that my parents each had individual borderline type relationships with me. Each one had a different "I hate you don't leave me" feeling for me. The "I hate you" stuff was some sort of projection and the "Don't Leave Me" is the need for a dumping ground of their own childhood wretchedness.

    Going into this place again is reexperiencing the fullness of the pain. It feels hopeless and it feels deadly but worse of all is the extreme loneliness. On one tapping expedition I saw how lonely the pain and the experience were but for a reason I don't understand that simply paled in comparison to the loneliness of denial by others who witnessed it and others whom I appealled to for solace. It was like being mugged on the streets of NYC and seeing the crowded sidewalk empty, doors slam shut and window shades slapped down - alone, the brutality denied and ignored and overlooked and my subsequent brokenness and anger spurned. "Get over it." "Grow up." was the only consolation available. "You made your bed now lie in it."

    I believe that tapping will carry me through to the other side. I don't know how and I don't know when. It is hard to believe that it will bring me into a world where I am not so all alone but I believe it will.
  20. Linda

    Linda Amity's Focus Member

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    Resistance to releasing emotions...
    Keep tapping on the karate chop spot and say;
    Even though It is not safe for me to get over this
    I don't deserve to get over this
    I don't want to get over this
    WHo will I be if I get over this?
    I won't have an excuse for my life being messed up
    I don't have permission to get over this
    I don't know how to act or be if I get over this emotion...tap here for three rounds of all the PR's.

    these are all about the psychological reversals....reasons you might want to hang onto the emotion. It is a safety mechanism for you.

    WHen you say she is terribly alone are you going in as as the adult you and tapping for her...being with her.? Helping her get the outcomes that she desires? Same for the 'get over it grow up' stuff. Go in with the MAtrix Reimprinting stuff and help the infant/child...step into the scene and advocate for her. Tap for her, comfort her...and allow what she needs.


    Perhaps a tapping buddy? Someone to tap with to reflect stuff back to you and keep you from going in circles?

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