Just some random parenting thoughts...

Discussion in 'Gentle guidance' started by JeniLyn, Feb 27, 2007.

  1. JeniLyn

    JeniLyn Guest

    I've noticed some interesting things over the years I been here (since 2001! before I even had kids!!). These are probably things you've all noticed, too.

    I often see spanking and extended breastfeeding talked about. Invariably, there are people who say "I don't consider breastfeeding extended until the baby is over 2, after all a 1 year old is still a baby!" and "I don't know anyone who spanks, it's just barbaric" or something along those lines. It amazes me different this is depending on where you live.

    For instance, I live in Indianapolis. There is a small AP group here, but I am not part of it b/c, although we parent differently, I have a strong general parenting support group within my church. That being said, I know of only ONE other family who does not spank, and even in that family, the father would like to. Also, there oldest JUST turned 2 and I've seen MANY families decide to spank after the 2nd birthday. That's the same position we were in. We decided not to spank early on (before kids) changed our minds at some point and then changed back once we saw it made no positive difference in our child's behavior. My dh would prefer that we DID spank on occasion, but my DH is generally extremely gentle, so for him that would probably be never, anyway...but for my sake (I have a more volatile personality) we've chosen not to spank.

    In Indianapolis, only 62% (as of 2001, in 1998 it was 55%) of mothers are breastfeeding when they leave the hospital. Most of these mothers (I don't have exact figures, just remember it being a high percentage) stop breastfeeding before the 6th month. Here it is EXTREMELY rare to see a mother breastfeeding a child who walks, no matter the age. I'd NEVER seen a mother breastfeed a child over one until I personally breastfed my daughter (she weaned at 17 months). After Miriam, I've had three friends go on to nurse their children into the second year. (I like to think I at least paved the road for them. I got most of the incredulous comments. The same thing happened with the circumcision issue--no one had chosen not to until after Noah was born, since then I've had 3 friends decide not to as well. All three talked to me extensively before making the decision.) Noah is 23 months old now and I have had people tell me "it's really past time to wean him, etc." I chose the most progressive doctor's office in my area b/c I didn't want to fight the "selectively vax'ing" fight. I was still nervous to tell them that Noah is still breastfeeding. NOT that I thought they'd be mean, but just that I thought I'd get some weird comment. I didn't and I was grateful. So for my area of Indiana, it is unusual to be breastfeeding a 7 month old. You can see why I would consider myself to be an EB'er after the first year!

    ALso, most of the mothers I know supplement with formula. Exclusively breastfeeding is another rare thing. I used to get a lot of comments about not giving Noah a bottle (I really hate pumping, so Noah's never had a bottle. Period). Sure it would have been nice at times to leave him with someone and go out for more than a couple of hourse, but I figured that in the grand scheme of things, his nursing time was short. :)

    I'm not at all hurt by the comments I mentioned at the beginning, I just find it all interesting. I wish I lived somewhere that spanking was considered wrong by most and most women breastfed until their kids were 2. That would rock. But I don't. And I do actually like where I live for other reasons (friends, church, etc).

    Sorry this got so long-winded.

    Jeni
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 27, 2007
  2. Linda

    Linda Amity's Focus Member

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    Spanking is strongly discouraged by the Ministry of Health here. When your baby is born you get a book from birth until 5 years, that gives you all the milestones and stages in it. And when they talk about discipline, they say hitting is never appropriate. I *think* they are trying to pass anti spanking legislation, but have not been successful.

    When I had #1, we lived in Santa Fe New Mexico. When I went to LLL...everone was co sleeping, breastfeeding, lots of cloth dipes and organic eating mamas. SO that was my environment. No spanking htere at least im my circles. When I joined the Mom's Club, I iknow there were some spankers in there, but our kids were so little it was not really talked about .

    I never saw the point in spanking...and I was spanked by both parents. I would be the one to hit out of anger, so I am so grateful I don't even see it as an option. That said, I have hit my older daughter(out of anger, not as discipline) three times in her life...during A's first year...I cannot believe that I did. But that is a whole nother story.

    I just saw a mom breast feeding a girl who looked about 3yo in the museum the other day. That is not common here, so I was so glad to see it. I have no idea what the BF ing rates are here but they are not better than the states I am sure. The Ceserean rates are horrid here as well.

    I JUST found a parent who I really relate to on parenting and natural living this last month. WHAT a relief!!! That is the hardest part of this whole parenting journey.
  3. JeniLyn

    JeniLyn Guest

    I've become very anti-spanking and I've always been pro-extending breastfeeding. I've thought about this a bit more in the short time since I've posted and I guess I do feel a little frustrated about the "I don't even consider you to be Ebing!" comments I've gotten here at AM. Where I live and among my friends I most definitely am EBing and I know most of the adults around me, in my church and neighborhood do not approve of my continuing to BF Noah. Thankfully, they recognize that it's not BAD, they just don't think there is any benefit to it. I've learned to shut up about it a bit. :)

    Jeni
  4. Linda

    Linda Amity's Focus Member

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    Well, keep your chin up and ignore them,. I've learned the further away I got from the novelty of the actions, the easier it is for the 'comment's to roll off my back.
    I know what you mane, tho, it is all realtive. I do consider you extended breast feeding if it is beyond one year old They are babies at a year, but most people do not breast feed that long.
  5. punkymonkey

    punkymonkey Member

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    I don't know. I live in an area very much like the one you describe you live in. We live in the south, so I don't know if that has anything to do with it or not. I know very few people who breastfeed at all and everyone I know spanks at some point or other.

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