I Need Parenting Advice QUICK - regarding hitting... :(

Discussion in 'Gentle guidance' started by woman*mama*wife, Dec 29, 2006.

  1. woman*mama*wife

    woman*mama*wife Happy to be ALIVE!

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    I need some advice from fellow gentle Mamas... I've gotten all the wrong advice and comments from not-so gentle friends and family....

    My son is almost 17 months and he's walking around hitting his sisters, out dogs and random objects all day long. Some days he does it more than others. I have tried responding with a firm "No Hit" then when that wasn't working I tried taking his hand and gently rubbing what he had just hit saying "nice, Andrew....see, nice!" and praising him for a nice touch....but that doesn't seem to work, either. WHAT ELSE can I do? His sisters, especially, do not deserve to have to defend themselves all day long. :(

    They were never hitters, so I've never had to deal with this before...

    Can some one please share some techniques you've used...some ideas, etc.???

    :help:
  2. Katie

    Katie Amity's Focus Member

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    Is he verbal yet? If he's frustrated with being unable to communicate his needs, he may be hitting to get results.

    Dane was non verbal until like 2 or something, took me a while to realize the little guy was just frustrated with us.

    That's when I invested in my first signing times video. Show me....that was another buzz phrase(and action) I made everyone start using with Dane. No one was really taking the time to understand Dane.

    Giving the older children a safe place to build projects and puzzles helped out tremendously too. He'd come up, and appear to wreck their work, and the last thing they wanted to do was be understanding or helpful. He wasn't wrecking, he just wanted to play too. They were more responsive to Dane's wants or needs when he wasn't tearing their work apart.

    eta: thoughts were a little disjointed yet this morning. lol. Hopefully that all makes sense now.
  3. MamaJosie

    MamaJosie Active Member

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    What I have heard

    is that it is better to tell them what TO do instead of what NOT to do. When they are that small the NO part of "NO HIT" they don't get. So they hear the "hit" word loud and clear. Kind of like at the pool when a kid is running, I call out "Walk please" not "No running!" Not only is it less harmful to their feelings of self worth but tells them what TO do as I said instead of focusing on what they are doing wrong.

    So you are on the right track with the new statment about being "Nice"...the only thing about it that I see is that it is a kind of generic word and you want to be as specific as possible. I have a friend who used "GENTLE" or "gentle hands" and would get down with the child, show them how to pet an animal with "gentle hands" and hold their hand, go through the motion. If they cannot use gentle hands, then I think removing the animal or the child from the situation is the only option.

    A 17 month old will need to be told this many times, maybe even over a period of a couple years before they "get it." Even if they would hit their sibling, I would say "Gentle Hands" and remove them if they cannot be gentle. Also, even this young, the positive praise is so important. Catch them in the act of being good. If they hug, pat or play gently, say "thank you so much for being gentle or I like the way you are using gentle hands today." It really will sink in eventually.
  4. Megmama

    Megmama Happy Happy Joy Joy

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    Well, this might not be the perfect result..but I agree that that is the age of frustration and signing helped us considerably..

    But the method that really worked, was completely NOT paying attention to it. If anything, pointedly not paying attention...for example..Sophie would hit one of us. We would immediately go stoney faced, say No Hitting here, put her down and turn our backs and walk away from her.

    Anyway, signing is so good for kids that age..opened up a whole new world for Sophie..now she talks and doesn't use the signs as much, but she learned them all in like a day and was SO much happier being able to say what she needed.
  5. woman*mama*wife

    woman*mama*wife Happy to be ALIVE!

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    Okay - so I can definetly work on signs and using a positive, specifc phrase, instead of "nice." (I had wondered if maybe "nice" wasn't the right word... so I'm really glad you said that, mamajosie - thank you.)

    I wish we could ignore it....DH and I can...my almost 5year old might even be able to...but asking my almost 3 year old with sensory integration disorder to ignore it is virutally impossible. She is overly sensitive to any stimulation as it is - so she feels very cornered when he comes at her.

    I'll google basic signs right now to get started with before I can get my hands on some books.
  6. EMTonya

    EMTonya learning....click...

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    my almost 2 year old hits her older brother often. i had been telling her "No hitting" but what seems to work best is "journey, show me how you love cole" & she'll pat or rub on him. then i tell her hitting hurts & we need to love each other. we're working on getting her to tell him "sorry" & give him a hug & kiss.

    she used to pinch me all the time (nursing or rocking or just cuddling) & i'd ask her if she'd like me to pinch her....i'd get an immediate "No" headnod or body movement.
  7. annsni

    annsni Amity's Focus Member

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    All I can say is to be consistent in your response (somehow making sure you communicate that we don't hit - or we touch nicely) and I know that it will soon pass. ((HUGS))

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