discipline issue...wwyd

Discussion in 'Gentle guidance' started by khlinville, Jan 21, 2006.

  1. khlinville

    khlinville Amity's Focus Member

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    Ds 1 and 2 fight when it is clean up time.

    "He's not helping"

    "Yes, I am"

    "Stop playing and HELP!!!"

    "You can't tell me what to do."

    Throw in a some growling, crying, a sly slap or kick and just play it over and over in a loop tape and you have what I am hearing now. What do you do to get it done and not go in there and do it yourself. or go in over and over and keep pointing out the stuff they missed?

    Ds 1 is 9 and ds 2 is 4 so there is an age difference and Ds 1 probably does a lot of the work. I guess I need to know how to motivate #2. Bribing or taking away the toys they don't put away doesn't help and sometimes punishes #1. Ds 1 has is issues and is bossy which is why #2 doesn't respond well to him.

    AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Losing my mind.
  2. PoetMom

    PoetMom Changing my family tree.

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    They're too young to clean up together unsupervised. You need to delegate for them or it will be unfair to big kid. Go in, make a list on a piece of scrap paper for what you expect of big brother. Give it to him with a pencil. Let him complete his tasks independently. Then you supervise little brother giving him verbal directions one at a time.
  3. Maura

    Maura Gene Genie

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    That sounds like a good idea. Maybe devise a chore chart for them to follow.
  4. Saltwater

    Saltwater Amity's Focus Member

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    Last edited: Jun 11, 2010
  5. RebeckaK

    RebeckaK Nose Picker

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    I have the exact same problem. When i delegate, it is MUCH less of a problem, but it's still there. My second ds is a slacker- He's a Tom Sawyer, always trying to figure out a way to get others to do his work. I make him stick with the task until it is finished and we have battles over it, but it's a battle I picked, because I am willing to fight it.

    If I tell 6 yr old to pick up all toys in toy room and I ask 4 yr old to put his blankets on his bed. 4 yr old will declare that a) he doesn't know how and b) he has to pick up so much more than his older brother. then c) he will declare the task to be done when it is not...

    Drives me nuts. yesterday it took him two hours to put jis blanket on the bed.
  6. khlinville

    khlinville Amity's Focus Member

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    both suggetions are helpful. I am going to do the list thing for the older one and we have a chore chart in the works already! I am just soooo tired of playing referee between them. It's getting really bad lately. Do you ever need someone to point out the obvious to you just because you are brain fried? I just lost my temper with DS1 for screaming at his little brother once again. My behavior was no better....I feel like a bad mom today. Lord, help me. On top of that we have a kids over that has no manners and bad language. I didn't want him over, but felt guilty for turning him away b/c our home is a shelter to him alot. Oh yeah, and Dh has been gone (work) since yesterday morning. :eyes:
  7. khlinville

    khlinville Amity's Focus Member

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    Holy Cow, is my Jake at *your* house?
  8. RebeckaK

    RebeckaK Nose Picker

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    Maybe. Can you come get him?

    LOL.

    I would say it was a middle child thing, but I was an oldest child and I was JUSt like him. My sister was the go getter/get things done/and get em done the right way kind of person. I used to pay her to clean my room.

    I do alright now lol- so maybe there is hope for jake AND Weston.
  9. midwesternmomma

    midwesternmomma New Member

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    WOW - your house could be my house. My ds is the older, typical first child. He will do what you ask, sometimes with grumblings, but he'll do it. DD is a typical second child, or, in our case, the baby. You ask them to pick up and all you hear is ds yelling at dd about how she isn't helping and it isn't fair. I will say, she is getting a LITTLE better, but here is what I have found..

    #1... we do A LOT more picking up than we used to. I am trying to get them to pick up at least 3 times a day. If the whole house isn't a mess then they do better at it.

    #2. I give ds his list of things to pick up, as he is the one that can read, and is very responsible. He is only responsible for what is on the list, nothing else.

    #3. I remind ds often that he is NOT in charge of his sister. He is responsible ONLY for what is on the list, nothing else. That really helps. When he knows what is expected of him and that he will not "get in trouble" for not doing her part, he relaxes.

    #4. When it comes to dd, I know that she will NOT finish, or sometimes even start, until I am there directing her. Very rarely she will surprise me, but usually she just won't do it. When I am with her, I tell her step by step what she needs to do. If she crumples in a heap and screams about it, then she obviously is tired and needs a nap before we continue. I don't give in, ever. I think that is the key. She knows that when it is clean up time she gets to clean up and if she makes a huge stink she will get a nap. If she does happen to take the nap option, and that HAS happened, she and I will clean up as soon as she wakes up.

    Hope that helps, even a little.
  10. Stargazer441

    Stargazer441 Searching

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    Mine are 6 and 3 so not quite as much of an age difference, but what works for us is to give them separate clean up jobs. As in: AJ you pick up the books, Wesley you pick up the toys on the rug, etc. Then they don't fight, and I know exactly who did or didn't help. So far it works.
  11. Dannielle

    Dannielle Princess Nimble-Thimble

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    I have almost the same age difference. What really helps is when I put dd (10.5) "in charge" of teaching ds (just about 5) how we clean a specific area.

    This usually puts her into "little mom" mode (not sure how it would work with 2 boys).
  12. khlinville

    khlinville Amity's Focus Member

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    yeah, see I've tried that and that is where the growling and slapping comes in...Must be a boy thing, but it seems logical. Oh, well. Thanks for sharing, though. I really appreciate all the responses. I think I need one of you to come over and do it for me so I can sit back and learn. With 3 you'd think we'd have it worked out, but this is a recent development in my parenting adventure.
  13. Gronilot

    Gronilot Ella of Frell

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    We used to have that problem here (with my older 2) until a new rule was applied. They each have specific things to do- and I make sure nothing depends on each other- for example I would not have one sweep and one mop.. as the "mopper" could complain that he couldn't do the job until the sweeping was done.

    So they each have thier own jobs (some of them rotate)- but if they make a comment on the other ones performance or lack there of- the new rule is that since they are the expert on it- then it becomes their job.

    For example if Lance was to clean the sink in the bathroom, and Veronika complained that he did it sloppy (or didn't do it at all) then Veronika just volunteered to clean the sink!

    Now it is far from bliss at our house.. but I NEVER hear complaints about how the other did thier job. It does make me go check more- to make sure jobs were done properly.. but I am the parent, not the sibling. My older 2 are pretty close- so the "little mom" mode would turn into bossy. It would work having the older 2 teaching the baby.
  14. Mama2HoneyBears

    Mama2HoneyBears Home, Home on the Range..

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    We ended up taking away many many precious toys and things and he earned chips by following directions and helping the family.
  15. tikva18

    tikva18 busy building blocks

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    Tom Sawyer can't be YOUR kid, he's MINE!!! but it's my first born - and everyone thinks I come down so hard on him...

    Yup can't forget the tantrum just for being asked to put his clohes down the chute takes waay more effort to complain than todo the job.

    To the OP, give your kids very specific things to pick up so that way when the child is done, it doesn't mamtter if the brothre did the work yet or not. Praise the child who gets right to work - a lot.
  16. anni

    anni Member

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    one time someone posted a how to clean your room list. I saved it but have since lost it. It was perfect. it itemized how to clean your room ie
    empty garbage
    pick up clothes
    make bed
    if anyone has it maybe they can post it
    NAK
    anni
  17. mom2jflc

    mom2jflc Menagerie Mama

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    My boys are 13 (dss) and 7.5 (ds) and things are about the same here. It's a tough age difference I think - not small enough for them to be great buddies, but not big enough for the older one to supervise the younger one without someone coming off as bossy and/or uncooperative. I don't have a lot of suggestions, but I can surely offer sympathy.
  18. anni

    anni Member

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    how weird is this I just googled
    amity mama clean your room list
    7 Years Later!
    wow

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