A Vent: Mom and "sparing the rod spoiling the child" argument

Discussion in 'Gentle guidance' started by katiejack, Nov 29, 2006.

  1. katiejack

    katiejack Active Member

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    Short story - We don't believe in spanking/hitting Andy and have very effectively used time-outs for him. My mom is a firm believer in spanking/hitting/pulling hair, etc. It wasn't fun growing up - let's just say it that way.

    I was talking to her tonight (I try to avoid this) and was saying that my friend is coming over tomorrow with her son who is a bit of a bully and she gives him time-outs if he takes a toy/pushes another kid. Doesn't happen often - just sometimes. Mom says that time-outs don't work and that we should spank Andy when he doesn't listen, etc. She quoted the ever-popular Bible verse about sparing the rod and spoiling the child. I told her that this is in regard to shepherds herding their sheep and the rod was used to guide the sheep along - not to beat them with it.

    How many more times are we going to have this talk?! I'm guessing at least a couple hundred before Andy turns 18! It's just so frustrating!

    Thanks for listening. It just really bugs me and makes me mad that she keeps bringing this up!
  2. Christi

    Christi Perpetually NAK'ing

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    :hug: I've told my parents and IL's that it's not their job to worry about how we're raising the kids. Grandparents are for fun and love - leave the hard stuff to us. LOL
  3. Amphitrite

    Amphitrite Amity's Focus Member

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    :ditto: what she said
  4. katiejack

    katiejack Active Member

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    I'll say this the next time she brings it up. Good point. She doesn't say anything to my sister who is totally ineffective with her spankings. This really bugs me too!
  5. Christi

    Christi Perpetually NAK'ing

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    I found that my mom felt that my parenting differently was saying she was wrong. Granted, I do think she was wrong. But when I explained to her that I knew she did the best with what she had and I am doing the same, only there's more for me now, she seemed not to be so offended. Did that make sense? LOL
  6. katiejack

    katiejack Active Member

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    That does make sense. I never bring up how she "treated" us as kids though. I'm not going to use that ammo. even though I could.
  7. Christi

    Christi Perpetually NAK'ing

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    Oh, I don't either, LOL. But I used it against her argument of "I ____ you and you're fine."
  8. katiejack

    katiejack Active Member

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    Ha! She hasn't said that to me yet! Maybe next time I'll be treated to that statement!
  9. shanleysmama

    shanleysmama New Member

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    My DH "believes" in spanking. He was a wild child, and I said to him "did the threat of getting spanked ever stop you from doing anything?" and he replied "no." I said "well, you just killed your own argument". I tell him the point is to guide/inspire/teach your children to do the right thing, not beat them into submission.

    Also, that verse is NOT in the Bible. Dr. Sears has a great chapter on that in his Discipline Book.
  10. katiejack

    katiejack Active Member

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    I'm very fortunate that DH doesn't believe in spanking because he got belted as a child by his Dad and said that was the most humiliating experience in his childhood. So, we're both on the same page there. This is a wonderful thing to have for Andy to lean back on - we're both consistent in not hitting him and in time-outs.
  11. BostonMom

    BostonMom New Member

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    That is so frustrating!!! Keep doing what you want to do, you're the parent :)
  12. freedomlover

    freedomlover ReaderOfThreads

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    You the parent get to decide your style.

    I have never spanked or given time outs and for my particular kids....just saying "Don't do that again" has worked.

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