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A Table for Two

Submitted by Anonymous on Mon, 11/07/2005 - 05:00.

When I was pregnant with my
second son, I naturally assumed that I would continue to nurse my
toddler throughout the pregnancy and then become one of those calm,
blissful, tandem nursing mamas that I would read about or see pictures
of. I envisioned my toddler holding the hand of his newborn sibling as
they shared in the ritual of nursing at my breast. I imagined them
looking into one anothers eyes and seeing something mystical and
magical occur.

My first reality check was the pain of nursing while pregnant. The pain
was so real and so intense, at times I would cry throughout a nursing
session.



My milk supply was exhausted around the 4th-5th month, but that didn't
deter my toddler of nursing just as eagerly as he had been. The
discomfort did not go away until I delivered my second son. I spent
many days of that pregnancy hoping that the discomfort would ease up,
but it didn't. That was my first real shock. That was nothing, though,
compared to what I had in store for me.

Twelve hours after the baby was born, Tucker came to meet his new sibling.

Griffin was a nine pound joy of a baby who latched onto my breast in
the recovery room and was determined not to let go for a good long
while! Tucker approached my bedside somewhat reluctantly, but he
embraced his new brother with absolute glee! He appeared very enamored
of the baby, and when

Griffin began to root, I asked Tucker, "Do you think I should nurse the
baby?" His reply was a very definitive "Yes, mama!" I breathed a sigh
of relief and thought, "Yes, this is why I chose to continue nursing
Tucker. This will abate any sibling rivalry. This is going to be
marvelous!"

Then I came home.

Immediately, Tucker wanted to nurse. I happily agreed, and we snuggled on the sofa. Within a few moments,

Griffin was rooting and fussing. I unsnapped the other side of my
nursing bra and Tucker sat up, shocked. I told him we were all going to
nurse together. Big mistake. He became unglued. That was the first of
many a tantrum that he would throw over my nursing his brother. We
tried everything we could think of so that I could spend some time
alone with Tucker. I allowed him to nurse on demand, and tried to
really separate his nursing times from

Griffin 's. All that did was exhaust me. I was nursing literally all day
and night without a break. It was a dark time for me as I battled mild
postpartum depression, sleep deprivation, and sibling rivalry at it's
worst. I constantly wondered why I didn't expect this. Could I have
prepared myself for this? What was I doing wrong? No one seemed to have
the answers I needed so desperately.

I decided that the only way to remedy the situation was to do it the
hard way. I was going to let time do it's magic, and in the interim, I
was going to have to do my best to take care of all three of us without
causing any of us harm. Obviously,

Griffin had to nurse on demand. That was a no-brainer. Tucker could cut
out some nursing, as he was a well fed toddler who only nursed at this
point in his life for comfort and habit. I needed rest. I began to
initiate limits on Tucker's nursing. He resisted -- adamantly -- at
first, but then he began to stick to our agreement to only nurse at
naptime and bedtime. I told him that whenever he was sad or hurt that
he would always be able to nurse, and I've stuck to that, even at times
when I know he's fooling me. It is my assumption that he is needing
some extra attention for a reason, and I offer it to him willingly.

Griffin is now six months old, and weighs in at a whopping, healthy
twenty pounds. He is just beginning to show an interest in foods, and
it is with a reluctant heart that I am beginning to offer them. He is,
after all, my baby, and my heart aches for him to stay that way! My
love for that child is incredible. He is absolutely a blessing. Not
only to me and our family, but to the world.

Tucker is two and a half and is now so in love with his brother it
continues to amaze me. He is proud and protective and nurturing and
smart. He still occasionally tries to perpetrate a hoax and nurse all
day long for an imaginary boo-boo, but on those days I just praise him
for his imagination and intelligence and allow him a few extra moments
at my breast.

I sometimes wish I could look into the future and see how long my boys
will nurse together. I have days where I am convinced that they will
never wean. But of course that's ridiculous. They will grow and mature
and one day find they don't need to nuzzle at mama's breast any more. I
hope that day doesn't come too soon. Right now they are my boys, and I
love that I can offer them something so timeless, so priceless, and so
genuine.

I am priveleged to be their own personal table for two