That’s the total amount of time that I was able breastfeed my three sweet babies.



I breastfed my first son for exactly fourteen days. Yes, just two short
weeks. Back then I was very young and incredibly uninformed (none of
the women in my family had breastfed) so the only reason I even
breastfed him at all was because I had read in a parenting magazine
that breastfeeding the first two weeks provided babies with important
antibodies that helped them get sick less. After those two weeks were
over, he went straight to formula (I regret it now but back then I
didn't know any better). I was too shy and uncomfortable with myself
and with my body to go any longer than that.



With each child came new awareness and more information, allowing me to
nurse my second child exclusively for four months. I was so excited for
both of us and was really looking forward to several more months of it.
Then my supply started to dwindle. More and more I had to start
supplementing with formula and I eventually just gave up on
breastfeeding altogether. You see, eleven years ago, Lactation
Consultants weren't very widespread or popular where I lived. This
meant  I was left on my own to figure things out and therefore I most
likely gave up too soon. I felt good for nursing her longer than her
brother, but in a big way I still felt like a failure.



Eight years later, our youngest son was born. This time I was
determined to succeed at breastfeeding. I read everything I could find
on it, talked to women online who had breastfed several children for a
year or more and really got into the mindset. I was ready! After a
rough start (thanks to a bad pediatrician), things were going great. I
loved holding my little guy and having him nurse as I ran my fingers
across his downy little hair. Then it happened again - two months later
my supply began to drop just like before. I tried everything I could
find to get it back. I drank teas, took pills that left me smelling
like maple syrup, pumped more often, drank more water, talked to
lactation consultants, and even contemplated standing on my head as a
last resort. In the end, though, nothing worked. Needless to say, I was
devastated and without a doubt felt like a huge failure.



At that point, my little guy was six months old and I began using
formula supplements once again to fill his tummy up. I hated it and
openly glared at every bottle I had to give him. Those ugly things were
the enemy and a constant reminder of my failure, but I couldn't stand
the thought of the little sweetheart going hungry because of me.
div 
divEventually, for reasons we never figured out, my milk supply
picked up again and we were able to start supplementing less. As lil
man's first birthday arrived and we were still going strong, I knew we
would continue our breastfeeding journey. As hard as we had fought,
there was no way I was going to force him to wean. We both loved the
experience too much. It was our bonding time, and the one time I could
get him to sit still so that I could hold him and fall in love all over
again. It was funny because I had always been one of those people who
couldn't imagine nursing a child past one year. To me that was the cut
off age and there was no reason to go past it. It's amazing what
experiencing something for yourself does to your views and opinions.



I can now proudly say that we made it two years, one month, two weeks,
and three days. Yes, I counted every single day, and with great joy,
too. To be honest, the only reason we weaned at that time was because I
had to prepare for my first cancer surgery and the medications I would
be on afterwards would be harmful to him. Thankfully, though, I think
he was ready. I was so afraid that it would be such a traumatizing
experience for him. Needless to say, the only one who cried and was
traumatized was me.



These days I realize that I never failed with any of my children.
Having a low supply, being uninformed, having to supplement, or never
getting to breastfeed in the first place is not failure. I did
everything I could and tried my best so that my babies would be happy
and healthy. Sure, I would have loved to have been a wonderful
breastfeeding mother from the start. Stars know I would feel a lot less
guilt over my choices, but I now know it wasn’t what I fed them that
mattered so much as the love I gave them while doing it. I honestly
feel that that, above everything else, is the best gift any of us can
hope to give our children. Wouldn't you agree?