Mallaigh
was my first summer baby. I was 42 weeks and 3 days pregnant when she
decided to come to us. I felt like I would never give birth. Or when I
did, it would be an induction at the hospital. Those last few weeks
were spent in close communication with her. Just the two of us, heavy
and slow together… I thought a lot about elephants. How they carry
their babies for almost two years and how heavy they must feel at the
end of it all.
    
    Birth is a sacred thing to me. It is a privilege that was given to
me, and I don’t take that lightly. It is not something that I fear, or
something that I have to go through in order to get the baby. It is my
rite of passage. It is part of who we are together, and how we come
undone from each other. I don’t think of myself as someone who has to
be a “hero”. I am just a woman who absolutely believes in my baby, in
myself, in my body, in my marriage, my children, and this amazing gift
of childbirth.
   
       I have two other daughters. Hannick, who was born at the
hospital, complete with Nubain and an extremely unnecessary
episiotomy…so that I wouldn’t tear of course. She was ripped from my
side, tube down her throat, pumped full of Narcan, all because they
were taking “the edge off” of my pain. I didn’t realize that she
had anything to do with it. And then she was born and I became a new
person. I know now that if you don’t know your choices, you have none.
I would have done push-ups if they had said it would help. I had no
knowledge of myself, and so I had no power. Then I heard about doulas.
And that started my new life. Kettie, my OP baby, was born at home in
the water. She came fast and furious and posterior, and it was so
beautiful. So lovely. And then there was Mallaigh. I knew she was to be
my third girl. Her name means “Mother” in Irish.

        At the beginning of the week, I
decided to start trying natural ways of induction. I was pretty far
over and although my midwife could still attend me, we knew that time
was getting short. For me, that meant trying to do something on my own.
On Saturday I started with “natural” prostaglandins, and continued that
every day. My husband said that he “supposed” he could help out if he
was really needed. Such a helpful man I have!! At least one of us was
having a good time. It is always interesting to find new positions when
you are almost 17 days over! On Sunday I started cohosh. Black and blue
cohosh every 20 minutes, 5 drops of each, then 10, then 15, then 20,
then a full dropper full, every 20 minutes, changing the dose every
hour. It didn’t work at all…but it did taste like crap! Yuck!! I really
felt discouraged. It took a lot for me to even try the natural
induction methods, as I absolutely believe in letting the baby decide,
and here they didn’t even work! On Monday I didn’t do anything, maybe
some nipple stimulation, which brought on some contractions, but never
started anything substantial. I was nursing my almost three-year old,
so I think my body was used to something pulling on my nipples at all
hours. Throughout the process, I kept in close contact with my midwife
and doula. I really needed support. My friends came over and threw me a
baby-moon, bringing great food and wonderful words of encouragement. It
was so wonderful. I thought that if anything, I could laugh this baby
out! On Tuesday, I started cohosh again after talking with my midwife
and scheduling some time with her for Wednesday to have her check me (I
had never been checked, except by my husband, just because I was
interested and I thought it would be cool…I decided not to do it
anymore when my cervix started to get harder instead of softer, which
in hindsight was most likely the baby dropping) and let her back-up
doctor know. We were to schedule an ultrasound for Thursday and talk
more about doing something like stripping membranes or prostaglandin
gels. That was so scary to me. I didn’t, under any circumstances, want
to give birth in a hospital. That was the whole reason that I had
decided to start natural induction. I know that I would rather try
everything and have it fail to start labor, than go in for a hospital
induction having not tried anything. So I looked up information on
castor oil and I decided to take a small dose of it. On Tuesday
afternoon, around 4 pm, I took about
2 tablespoons with some root beer. I had heard how awful it tasted, but
I didn’t mind it at all. I barely even noticed it, especially after the
cohosh! Nothing happened.

At around 11:30pm,
I started to feel poopy. So I went to the bathroom and proceeded to
learn about what it is that castor oil does! I also started to have
pretty strong contractions along with it. They weren’t on any schedule,
but they were strong enough that I couldn’t sleep. I would also get the
urge to have bowel movements pretty often. At around 4:30 am,
I woke up Joel (my man) to come and labor with me. He also set up the
tub and filled it with water. I let Jeanne (my wonderful, amazing,
God-given midwife) know that I was losing mucous plug and contracting.
I was so excited, but also nervous that the contractions would stop. My
mom came over in the morning to help out, and my friend Julie came over
as well. Joel and I went on a walk up the street. I was wearing my
PJ’s. It was so sunny outside and the trees were swaying in the breeze.
It was strange. The sun looked weird to me and the world had a strange
color to it, like one of those old sci-fi films where there are three
suns and it makes the planet an odd color. It is so cool how life
continues on, regardless of whether you are bringing a new life into
the world. My sister came over to help watch the big girls, which was
wonderful, she rubbed my lower back (she is a massage therapist) and
put me to sleep. My back and hips were hurting. I slept for about an
hour and a half. When I woke up, I called my midwife, and she suggested
some nipple stimulation if nothing started back up on its own. These
are the notes that she gave me:

12:30 am: Sarah called; contractions for one hour, bloody show – will keep in touch – called Vanessa (the apprentice)

5:52 am: Sarah called – cx 2-5 min lasting 15 seconds to one minute, has not slept, will try to eat something, is filling up tub

9:45 am: Vanessa checked in with Sarah, and talked to Joel, all the same. Will go for a walk and then try to sleep

12:15 pm: Checked in with Sarah, has eaten. Cx less when laying down but strong when she is standing up or on her right side

3:15 pm: Come

I started nipple stimulation around 1:30 or so and the contractions started back up strong and consistent.  They
were much more painful. I have never felt contractions like them. Very
sharp and overwhelming. They felt like transition contractions, only
more intense.  I moved a lot. I got into the tub,
which took some of the pressure off, but it in no way took away any of
the pain. They came in waves. They came in sharp bursts of fire, down
my thighs, in my back, in my hips. I got onto hands and knees and lay
over the footstool of the rocking chair in the living room. On the
video, you can watch Hannick (my oldest) stroking my arm so gently. She
was so calm and such a wonderful doula. She knew that mama was ok; she
knew that I was having a baby, her sister, her confidant and future
co-conspirator. What an amazing little girl.  Julie
arrived at that time, maybe around 2-2:30 or so. She started to film
and take pictures. She rubbed my back a lot, which really helped. My
back would hurt about half of the time. And my hips hurt a lot. I
really felt that something different was happening. I got into the
water around 3:00 pm again, and I
asked Joel or someone, to call Jeanne…to call everyone. I knew that I
was going to have her today. I was so different this time because I
usually labor surrounded by women. I never really cared if Joel was
there or not, but this time, because it was so much more intense and
painful, I only wanted him. I needed to be next to him. I would squat
and sit on my calves, and lean against him. He said that after one
really hard contraction, I reached up and kissed him. How very
“Spiritual Midwifery” of me! I loved him so hard that day. My best
friend, the father of my girls. What a man.

I
know when Jeanne arrived. As for everyone else, I couldn’t tell you. I
know my best friend Amber arrived shortly after Julie, or maybe before
her. Then I would look up and more and more people would be there,
surrounding me. I really felt like giving up after awhile. I knew that
something was different. Not wrong, but different. I really felt like I
was in transition in the tub, the contractions were so intense. The
transition lasted for about three or four hours. I couldn’t focus and I
couldn’t keep up with what my body was doing. I thought that I might
have to push, but when I pushed, the feeling would go away. It was so
confusing. Finally Jeanne asked me if I had to push, or if I thought
that I could pa-pa-pa through a couple of them. I pa-pa’d once, and
that was fine. My friend Amber took some notes too:

Urge to bear down: 4:24p

Out of tub: 5:10p

Slow dancing with Joel: 5:20p

Sarah lays back and smiles: 6:15p

Sarah asks if anyone wants to take over!: 6:35p

Born: 6:59p

Cord cut: 7:07p

Placenta: 7:10p

Latches on: 7:17p

I
really felt that I couldn’t go on. I felt like I was thrashing around,
and I was really vocal, which isn’t like me at all. I usually am very
quiet when I give birth. It just kind of came out though. Jeanne and
Vanessa got me out of the tub and into the bathroom to empty my
bladder. I did and decided to stay there. They said that my
contractions were spacing out some, they force-fed me a banana and I
sipped on some honey water. I labored on the toilet, which was awful
yet strangely satisfying, and then I slow danced with my husband, which
was amazing. That was the best part of the whole process. I think that
Nick Drakes “Pink Moon” was on. Joel proposed to me on the north shore
when there was a pink moon. Of course, at the time I didn’t believe him
and said to get down on one knee...which he wouldn’t do…things kept
filtering in and out of my mind. Someone put a towel under my legs
because I had so much bloody show. I thought that my water had broken,
but it hadn’t. It didn’t break until she came out. Bob Marley was on
then. It was strange to be giving birth during the day in the
summertime, after two midnight winter babies. I got back in the water around 6ish.
I just moved around. It was different than before. Sometimes my back
would really hurt, and Carrie, my doula, would push on it. Sometimes my
hips hurt. It felt good to push down on the front of my thighs when I
was sitting on my legs. Almost like counter pressure for my hips. I was
feeling pushy again, but I was scared to push if I wasn’t ready.  I
thought that I would just die if I wasn’t complete. I tried to focus on
who I was doing this for, and I remembered, Mallaigh Rose, who is
working with me to be born. I love her so much. And I smiled when I was
in the sharpest pain. I wanted to meet her so much. She is so amazing.
A little later, I wanted to stop again and asked if anyone would mind
taking over for a while. Jeanne checked me for the first time, as this
was a strange labor pattern and very intense. The babe’s head was right
there, and she guided my hand in to feel her. Wow. I had never wanted
to check myself before in any other births, but this time, I found
myself doing it more and more. I couldn’t tell where we were in our
labor; the contractions were doing their own little dance. I lay back
to start pushing. I couldn’t have told you where people were at, or who
was even there at that time. I had prepared all of these people to come
and help me…I needed women surrounding me before. But I didn’t this
time. I needed Joel and I needed Jeanne. But I took in everyone’s
strength. I listened to everyone encourage us. I wouldn’t have changed
anything at all. So I started to push…. and then I didn’t want to!! I
told Jeanne that I was really scared to push her out. It felt
different. It was so painful. It hadn’t been that painful the last two
times. And she said that I just had to let that fear go. And that I had
to push anyway. So I did. I pushed and felt her come down…it felt
strange…but I let it go. And I pushed again and felt her burn and go
back in. And then I decided it was time for her to come, so I pushed
hard. And kept pushing and she crowned and shot out in one contraction.
Joel missed her completely.

        She snapped back because the cord was around her neck twice.
She was a complete posterior brow presentation, which means that she
was born forehead first and sunny-side up. No wonder it felt like I was
pushing out a rectangle. She came out so fast that we didn’t know she
was posterior until we watched the video! Jeanne told me that 85% of
brow presentation births can’t be born vaginally. In Anne Frye’s
Holistic Midwifery II, she states that posterior brow presentations
cannot be born vaginally in almost ALL cases. Amazing! In the twenty
years that Jeanne has been attending birth, she has never seen a
complete brow presentation. I do always like to be original! That is
why she didn’t want to come out. There was no water at all, and what
little there was had meconium staining. With the cord wrapped twice,
and her head all crazy, I needed that extra time to be able to work
with her. I held her in the water while they untangled her. She was
under for 29 seconds. A long time to me, I just wanted her…but then she
was in my arms. And at my breast soon after. My placenta was calcified
and spongy, a sign of deterioration. But Mallaigh was perfect. She has
some bruising and swelling on her forehead and the top of her head, but
we took her into the chiropractor for cranial sacral work when she was
two days old, and she is great. She was 8 pounds and 20 ½ inches long.
She, of course, looks just like her daddy. I love her fiercely. She was
worth it. So amazing. She is so amazing.

div