In our world of attachment
parenting, I find two types of mothers. One type is the earth mother –
who was already connected to her spirit and power and already knew how
she was going to handle her pregnancy and parenting. The other type is
the one who needs a giant wake-up call – who has been riding along in
the mainstream not even aware that she is caught up in a giant
destructive whirlpool. Not even aware that there are many other paths
and many other choices. Needless to say, I was the second type …



I read one book during my first pregnancy. I followed their diet
recommendations and was pleased with my efforts, and then I miscarried.
I totally was caught off-guard and couldn’t believe it was happening to
me. A year later we tried again and I became pregnant. I took
progesterone supplements to prevent another miscarriage and paid no
attention to my diet; it hadn’t worked the first time, so why bother
the second time?



At 40 weeks, I had an ultrasound. After 20 minutes flat on my back for
the procedure, I felt very light-headed and dizzy but I didn’t speak
up. I went to the doctor’s office for a non-stress test where I was
lying partially reclined on my back. I felt dizzy and light-headed and
was slowly contemplating whether I should ask the nurse if I could
change positions when everyone came buzzing in with great alarm. Of
course what I was experiencing physically was a clear warning sign.
What they heard on their monitors was my son’s heartrate stopping. I
was taken quickly to the hospital for a fearful four hours of
monitoring and then a decision to induce “just in case”.



I had wanted a natural delivery but after 12 hours of increasingly
higher doses of pitocin and horrible nagging feelings in my lower back,
I asked for an epidural. An hour later, I felt some sensations in my
lower abdomen. I asked the nurse for more medicine only to be told that
the baby was crowning. Talk about unawareness; my baby is telling me he
is ready to be born and I am asking for more drugs.



The delivery was a vein-bursting marathon 45 minute pushing session. He
was large and his collarbones got stuck. Once born, he was whisked off
to the nursery with my husband. I promptly threw up and fell asleep.



I’ll never forget the feeling of waking up, alone, and desperate for my
baby. I called for the nurse to take my upstairs to find him. She was
moving so slowly. I was getting more and more anxious; I needed to be
with my child. The nursery attendant greeted me saying, “Glad you are
here. He’s been fussing to nurse for a while now”. My God, why didn’t
they come get me?



Of course, the combination of the quick delivery, my son’s size, and
the delivery position caused facial bruising which led to jaundice
which led to daily blood tests which led to photo-therapy. My
pediatrician told me to take off a day from nursing to help clear the
jaundice.



At last, I made my own decision: I didn’t stop nursing as instructed.
His bilibrubin levels went up. I got scared, and did what I was told.
His bilirubin levels went down.



I kept being a good mother - we followed the standard doctor visits and
immunization protocol. The only things I was doing my way were
co-sleeping and nursing on demand. I changed pediatricians to find one
who supported co-sleeping. I was tired of being told I was doing
something wrong.



Eventually my son developed behavioral and speech problems with food allergies.



A real depressing start to life … as a child, and as a mother.



But somewhere along the way, my inner guidance started to make its
voice heard. Somewhere along the way, I realized that I had been giving
away my power. I realized, with an absolute heart-dropping thud, that
mainstream doesn’t know the answers, and worst of all, they don’t know
that they don’t know. Somewhere along the way, I started hearing my own
inner guidance.



Somewhere along the way, I learned to listen.



Once I started listening, I have made many changes. There are so many
worlds to discover and embrace. For me, my lessons have included
homeopathy, energy medicine, and homeschooling. We use no allopathic
medicine and my two daughters have never had any drug whatsoever. I am
now very aware of food and environmental health. We have completely
revamped our house and diet, removing all toxic cleaning supplies and
switching over to an organic diet. I am using muscle testing, NAET
allergy clearing, EFT, and other forms of energetic healing.



We are homeschooling using a integrated holistic approach (Enki
Education) that nourishes and welcomes our innate wisdom. I am working
with a great intuitive and spiritual teacher to continue to develop my
soul and release unhelpful ego patterns.

I was able to have two more children, both natural births with a
midwife and doula, one being a waterbirth. I choose professionals who
support our holistic lifestyle and I am finding dear friends who cheer
each other on as we live bravely and consciously.



I am in the flow.



Thank you my firstborn for having the soul courage to call me to wake up. And I acknowledge myself as being willing to listen.