Grief is such a natural part of life. Often times however, I think a
lot of us try to hide it, or even push it aside, in order to go on with
our day-to-day tasks. I know that I do. After all, allowing ourselves
to grieve is an overwhelming thing, with emotions getting the best of
us.



Grieving isn't something anyone looks forward to, however, by ignoring
it, and supressing it, one never truly gains closure. Being sad,
depressed, or even angry is an emotionally draining storm that leaves
us exhausted and empty in its wake.



My favorite Aunt passed away on May 22nd, 2004, after losing a 5-year
battle with cancer. She was like a second-mom to me, and over the
years, we bonded as such. Shortly after the birth of my youngest
daughter, in 2001, Aunty Lu and I started playing Scrabble online. Her
chemotherapy had her confined to a bed most of the time, so our little
games was what kept her going- even when she was nauseous from the
treatments she had been receiving. It was always played as a foursome:
Aunty Lu, my father, my husband and me. The games were competitive, and
often times quick, because each of us wanted to try our best to come
out on top.



Through our Scrabble games we shared secrets, laughs and stories about
our children (or in her case, her beloved grandchildren Kayli and
Kyle). In retrospect, we must've played at least 100 games in the time
we had together. Scrabble kept us all going when we knew that Aunty
Lu's treatment wasn't working. It kept us going when she decided to
stop the chemo for a while...it even kept us going when she decided to
stop receiving treatments completely.



I cannot say that we played Scrabble to the end, because in reality, we
couldn't. Aunty Lu spent the last week of her life fighting, with her
husband by her side, reading her our emails every day, until she passed.



When my father called to tell me that Aunty Lu had passed, I had
already prepared myself for the news. But not in the way that you
think. I knew it was coming so I kept myself busy. Cleaning, cooking,
making travel arrangements for my family. Her dying wishes was to
return to Kauai, our home, to be buried, and the daunting task of
planning her service had been left to the family.



It wasn't until I was back home on Kauai, did I realize what I truly
had lost. I had lost a friend, a relative but more importantly, an
inspiration to me. Aunty Lu was strong, beautiful, oustpoken,
intelligent but most of all, loving, compassionate and genuine. Her
son, my cousin, along with her grandchildren made the trip back to
Kauai. When I saw them, I could only think of how hard my Aunt had
fought for them; fought for her life so that she could be with them.



Denying ones' self to grieve never makes the pain go away. In my
opinion, it only intensifies it. When it was finally said and done, and
the services over, I had cried so much, that my body could no longer
take it...and I slept for an entire day after returning home.



My family spent last weekend grieveing together and celebrating the
life of my Aunty Lu. She was a beloved wife, mother, sister and aunt
whose spirit lives on in all of us. My dad has promised my Uncle and my
cousin (who both live in California)

to visit Lu often; and to bring her all her favorite treats. I know
that when I go back home to Kauai, I too will go to visit, and bring
her our favorite drink, a caramel machiatto from Starbucks.



I wish I had gotten the chance to tell her how much I loved her and how
much I will always cherish the games we played...I know in my heart
that she is watching over all of us, and I can find comfort in knowing
that she is no longer in pain.