Thread: your baby doesn't make me want another, or. . .

don't ask me if I'm done.

My neighbor. . . I love her but sometimes I wish she wouldn't speak *everything* that's on her mind. She keeps saying that my baby doesn't make her want another one. I know it's not personal, she thinks that about everyone's baby. She genuinely feels done with two. But as others grow their families it makes her think about it again and just confirm in her mind that she doesn't want another child. I used to tell her, you may feel differently when the youngest is older and you can take on more. Now I just say nothing because it's become apparent to me she's not looking for discussion, she's looking for confirmation.

People have ceased to ask me if I'm done and now just assume, "now you're done, right?" "I bet you're done now!" I don't feel done. Will I ever feel done? DH does but I don't. I used to say, "it depends who you ask, me or dh." and laugh. That was when I had three children. Now I don't say anything, just smile. Why does it matter to them? I realized, it doesn't. It shakes their idea of what's acceptable. Perhaps they consider me a sensible person and now I don't fit into their notion of a sensible person anymore.

Mainly it's the immediate family that really hopes I'm done. Other people are just amused. Now my extended family (aunts and uncles) thinks it's wonderful. My neighbor has five children and I met her mother a while back. I asked her, do you have a large family as well? And she said, no, I only had three children, but now, seeing my daughter's family, I wish I had had more. Isn't that a beautiful sentiment? I can't help but wish that my family had that effect on others. But I know it doesn't. I suppose, instead I could wish that more people were like this woman's mother. Open to the blessings of another's experience. Willing to see outside their box.

I guess this brings me to another thought. Assuming at one time you also expected the 2.5 children...what changed your mind?

I'll answer for myself that I never expected 2.5 children. Both my parents came from families of 9. My mother says she would have had more than us three had her second two pregnancies not been so traumatic (she nearly died with #2). She used to want a dozen. When I was pg with my second daughter the family that was renting their condo to us had 5 children. When we told them we were moving due to expecting #2 and needing more space they were so postive and said, "you're on your way," with a big smile. (to growing a nice big brood like theirs, I imagined.) What an interesting thing to say. And then of course, there's Amity's. This was the first place I found with a fair share of large families. What heaven. I think all these things were influences. I used to say, well, I wanted 6, dh wanted 2, so I guess 4 would be a happy medium. So I guess it's four for me, but don't ask me if I'm done.

Originally Posted by waterlily

I guess this brings me to another thought. Assuming at one time you also expected the 2.5 children...what changed your mind?
.

Danielle/ Myshiningstars changed my mind.

After I had my first I recall telling my Aunt at some point that all I wanted was to get married & have a bunch of kids. I got married, had 2 more & was done. Then I got to Amity's. I read a post of Danielle's about how much she enjoyed her children or some such thing & suddenly it hit me! Yeah!!!! Having kids is great! Why do I have to be done just cause I have 3? I instantly had baby lust! LOL

Dh & I have pondered what our lives would be like if we had stopped with the first 2 or 3. Our lives would be so different. I know our focus would not be what it is now. I am so glad I didn't stop! I dont know that I will have any more biological children, but right now 8 kids sounds perfect!

Its unfortunate that we live in a society where children are a burden not a blessing. We have been lucky not to get many negative comments, but we do find that people often seem to feel a need to explain why they themselves didn't have more children.